My first real relationship was with a guy who was extremely toxic for me. Since it was my first real one, I had no idea that this wasn’t how these “relationship” things were supposed to work. Nobody ever told me the red flags to watch for to declare it a toxic relationship. I feel like a lot of women, especially younger women, can find themselves in these situations and they don’t know that it isn’t normal. For me, consistent arguing and crying was the new normal. However, eventually I hit a wall and realized this wasn’t right and that I deserved to be happy.
When I broke up with him, I didn’t feel like myself. A year of my life was dedicated to that relationship. I feel like when you’re in a mentally abusive relationship, you put your everything into making it work if you don’t know any better. I lost myself in the process though. I forgot what it was like to be on my own and do what makes ME happy. After a few months of getting back to my true self, I realized I made the best decision at that time in my life to get out of that situation. There were a few key things I did that helped me find myself again after getting out of the toxic relationship, and here they are.
I spent the majority of my time with people I loved, friends and family. Those close people in my life are my rocks, especially when I needed them most. I found that spending all my time with these amazing people really helped get my mind off of things regarding the guy. I was also genuinely happy and being able to feel the love from them made me feel not so alone. Loneliness can definitely occur when a huge part of your life isn’t there anymore. So it was much needed to forget about that feeling and know you aren’t alone.
Another thing I did was getting back into my hobbies. For the longest time, I stopped doing everything I loved doing before. I started painting again, going on spontaneous trips with friends again, even just getting back into reading poetry. I wouldn’t have thought that simple hobbies would have such an impact, but they definitely did. Forget about everything you and him did, focus one what YOU did and what YOU love to do.
Last but not least, this one may not be everyone’s cup of tea but i definitely recommend it. This is meditation. Meditation helped me because I would go to a safe and peaceful place that made me happy. I would turn on some positive, relaxing music and just think about all the good in my life. Meditation doesn’t have to be 3 hours long with flute music playing and a guy telling you how to breathe. However, if that’s your style then go for it! For me, I wasn’t able to fully commit in that type of setting. Just taking about 30 minutes every other day to reflect on things such as: Why I should be happy, I’m not alone, I’m 20x happier without him, I can finally focus on me and be carefree! It definitely helped to get in those positive mindsets and release those negative feelings.
The most important thing to remember is that it’s okay for it be hard in the beginning. All breakups are hard, even if you know that you made the best decision. You shouldn’t let it define you though. Do what makes you happy and focus on your personal well-being. It’s the best thing you’ll ever be able to do for yourself.