During the start of the new year, I found myself taking time to reflect on my life and dream about my future: making vision boards, daydreaming and living in my delusions. As I was contemplating my bridesmaids’ dresses for the fifth time, I thought about what I wanted my marriage to look like. I want to live a soft lifestyle, be with someone who can provide for me and our future family, living in comfort and bliss—completely taken care of.
I scroll through TikTok to find people who live the life I want. Surprisingly, I was bombarded with a ton of TikTokers saying that we need to move past this, leave the patriarchy behind and essentially shame the women who want to live that type of life. This has sparked the not-so-silent war of whether or not women should be ashamed to want to be taken care of.
One of the main arguments is that it is “anti-feminist”. Apparently, wanting a secure future with a man is a wrongdoing to all other women out there. Why is it that when career-driven women see other women being housewives, they act like they have directly said “no, stop your job and do what we do instead?” The influence of TikTok, Instagram and other social media platforms have decided anything that isn’t “progressive” or following current trends should be silenced. Right now, society is so engulfed in hustle culture and entrepreneurship that they can’t appreciate the muddled-down and underappreciated role of being a housewife.
One of the most common examples of this phenomenon is the famous TikTok couple, Matt and Abby (@matt_and_abby). This young couple’s TikTok follows the daily life and exciting activities they do together with their two children. The comment that sparked this controversy started when Matt said,
“Don’t be fooled by me picking up my house because I’m not typically the one who does it. And don’t be fooled by me taking care of my son because most of the time my wife does that too…In our relationship, we naturally take on more traditional marital roles”
In this context, Matt was saying that Abby wanted to go to the gym and he decided to surprise her by cleaning the house. Of course, the TikTok warriors had a field day with his comment and stitches and duets were rolling out by the dozen. Hundreds of people asking “Why is helping her supposed to be a surprise?” or “She shouldn’t have to ask you to do those things.”
Fans were displeased with the way he articulated his statement. Why would a man who is supposed to love and care for his family make it seem like a chore? Honestly, people were only shocked because his family dynamic is not one that is widely recognized in society. Due to the rise of “modern feminism,” the role of housewife is seen as a red streak across the hard work of multiple generations of women.
The word feminism and its meaning seem to be long lost at the sea we call the internet. According to the International Women’s Development Agency,
“Feminism is about all genders having equal rights and opportunities. It’s about respecting diverse women’s experiences, identities, knowledge and strengths, and striving to empower all women to realize their full rights.”
-International Women’s Development Agency
Key word being “ respecting.” The respect that women are supposed to have for each other is dwindling by the second. Whether it’s claiming to not be a “girl’s girl” or simply bashing for their choices even when they fought for that very choice. Social media needs to stop being used to spread negativity and instead choose to empower. Women should be able to decide the way they want to live and flourish in a world that will accept it.