On April 13th, HC ODU sat down with a former victim of sexual assault. The victim chose to remain anonymous for understandable reasons.
HC: Describe, to the best of your memory, the night of your sexual assault encounter. Please feel free to leave out anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, but you’re encouraged to be vulnerable.
My senior year of highschool, I was sexually assaulted. But the weird thing is, it took me a whole year to realize it. It was the summer before I went off to college. Someone from my high school threw this huge party and everyone, I mean EVERYONE was invited. We were so encouraged to get trashed that, they not only had designated drivers (pretty organized for a high school party), but also people were invited to stay the night (completely expected). So of course I stayed the night since me and this kid were friends and I could trust him. So me and the group I came with were drinking everything. Which yes sounds horrible but, we knew everyone at the party pretty well and dropping pills in drinks weren’t a thing in our area. Shots, beer, even wine I was willing to chug it all down.
Now partying wasn’t really my thing, I mean I went but was usually the DD voluntarily. But this guy I had been eyeing the last week of school was there, and I seriously wanted to get to know him. So, my drunk self went up and just started talking to him and after a while, we were making out. He asked if I wanted to go upstairs and I said yes hold on, I went and told the girls I came with where I was going, who i was going with, and asked one of them (the sober one, Ally) to stand outside the room and wait. So we go in the room and make out some more. It was obvious he wanted to do more and so did I, and I was willing. So we started having sex, but it hurt. Really bad. I told him, but he kept going. In the moment, I thought it was my fault that it hurt, so I just let him keep going. This pain lasted around an hour and 45 minutes. (Yes, Ally was still outside the room, we kept in contact throughout.) I kept saying ‘Let’s try again in an hour” or “It still hurts, can you give me a second”. Nothing. It was as though this man was deaf. Well, he wasn’t and it was super quiet in the room so I’m sure Ally could hear. When he was finally done, I went downstairs to go tell my friends what had happened. Except, it wasn’t what happened. I made it sound so amazing and worth it when it definitely was not. Ever since then, I thought that the pain was my fault, that he was doing everything right and I was wrong and that’s why he kept going.
My freshman year of college, we had to watch this video about sexual assault. I wasn’t very attentive at first because we have literally been learning about this stuff since middle school, what’s different now? As I was watching the video, I had a VERY vivid flashback of that night and realized, I was sexually assaulted. I kept saying no. I kept saying it hurt, I wanted him to stop, and he didn’t.
It completly destroyed me my first few months of school. But what made it worse was that nobody knew. I had this huge secret I was keeping and although I could tell someone, I thought it be best not to tell anyone. I mean, it was my fault right? I shouldn’t have been drunk. I should have just said “no thanks” when he asked to go upstairs. I should have told Ally that I wanted to leave and to come get me. But I didn’t. For months, I thought like this. I still think this sometimes. I even talked to a counselor who said I could have prevented it. (WELL OBVIOUSLY) But it happened. I can’t change the pass. I don’t brush the event under the rug and act like it never happened, but I was more cautious about my surroundings at parties. I talk to a new counselor who helps me to not live in fear anymore, and that’s what I encourage you all who are reading this and can relate. Don’t live in fear.
*names have been changed*