Have you ever walked into a room full of people and found yourself examining them and their energy before deciding how you want to act? You might analyze their tone or be hesitant to share too much about yourself. I’m here to assure you that this happens to the best of us. As a college student, even still as I enter my twenties, it can be hard to stay authentic to myself and to show up the same way in all aspects of my life. True authenticity is rare and difficult to achieve nowadays. The intense fear of judgment in our fast-paced society has stripped a lot of us of our authenticity, but if we turn off the noise and normalize more vulnerability, we can step into our power.
You may be wondering: What exactly do you mean by “turn off the noise?” While having so much access to digital media has been a blessing for a generation, it has its obvious downsides as well. The media serves as a means for us to constantly compare ourselves and as a distraction from discovering who we are and what makes us happy. The internet can make us feel we should be more like the “perfect” people we see online and distract us from focusing on our own personal wants and needs. However, we can take back our lives and begin to fully understand and express ourselves if we turn off the noise of the outside world. Today, it’s incredibly easy to avoid our fears and emotions through TV, social media, relationships, alcohol, drugs etc. Years can go by without us once examining if we’re truly living the life we want to be living. Because it’s so easy to be encompassed by the material world, mindfulness and presence are key. Analyze what’s in front of you! Challenge yourself to sit in silence with your thoughts and see what arises, no music, no intentions, no YouTube and so on. We can also take the time to ask ourselves hard questions, for instance: How do I feel after being around this person? Why is this situation triggering me? How can I learn from this negative experience? What is something I could have done better and need to keep in mind moving forward? These are just a few examples, but the takeaway is that accountability is key, and introspection is our superpower! Letting go of the world’s chaotic energy, and turning inward to replenish our own, will help us immensely as we discover ourselves. Once we know what makes us happy, what makes us tick, what our morals are etc. then we get to show off all our hard work.
If you’re anything like me, (which you probably aren’t because I’m a psych major obsessed with analyzing myself and others) the discovery is a walk in the park and the implementation is what’ll keep you up at night. Being vulnerable with people is hard, especially nowadays. We may fear that others will abandon us, or if no one likes us we’ll be alone for the rest of our lives. I hate to break it to you, but these fears are reasonable. Since the beginning of time, humans have relied on their tribes to stay alive. Even as cave people that were hunting and gathering, we lived and survived in groups. During these times, being alone meant it was more likely that we would die, and while society has evolved, our brain is still up to its old tricks.
If it’s not the fear of being alone that prevents us from being vulnerable with others, it’s the fear of being judged. As someone who was recently diagnosed with social anxiety, this fear is one I’ve become quite acquainted with. I am constantly thinking about how others are perceiving me, why I just said something hours later, how awkward I feel, how that person probably thinks I’m weird, etc. In college, this worry is further heightened, diagnoses aside. College is supposed to be the place where we meet forever-friends, spouses and network for our careers–it’s supposed to be the best years of our lives. These larger-than-life expectations further enhance our existing concerns when meeting new people. It’s innately human to be concerned about social norms and others’ opinions but we can’t let them control our actions or experiences. Try to keep in mind that most people feel exactly how you’re feeling as well. Often the person you’re talking to is too preoccupied with their own insecurities to be analyzing your every move. If you have good intentions when entering a vulnerable conversation, you cannot be responsible for how someone else receives what you’re giving them. We perceive people based on our own life experiences, so often others’ perception of us has nothing to do with us and everything to do with them. Nothing is personal, I promise! Don’t open up in hopes of a certain response, open up for your own sake! Others’ reactions will never define who you are.
Life is too beautiful to go through it having never shared your story. You deserve the feeling of freedom that goes hand in hand with vulnerability. Once we filter out the chaos of the world, we can discover our authentic selves. Our new selves are then challenged to share our story with others, having come to the realization that openness is the only way to achieve the real connections that we deserve. Finding and sharing your authentic self is nothing to be afraid of.