Rewind: the August before starting your freshman year. Ah, tis’ the seasons of break ups. Every one of your friends have cut the cords on their high school relationships, taking a step back out on the shore of new possibilities. As they obsess over the hot guys in their dorm or chemistry class, you find yourself still wading in the waters of high school love. So you’ve decided to be brave, and keep up the swim rather than relinquishing your snorkel and wading back to solid ground.
Fast forward to present time: We’re approaching that “1 month” mark into freshman year, and if you’re still in your high school relationship: kudos to you. However, you may be nervously treading knowing that the myth of Dumpsgiving* is approaching. You just have to make it past that second mark.
*Dumpsgiving (noun): the time when college freshman go home for Thanksgiving break and end their high school relationships. Commonly known as the second holiday of break ups, after the August Abandonment.
Don’t panic yet. Hold onto your floaties – it’ll only get easier from here. Whether you’re long distance or at the same school, it is possible to keep your relationship alive, despite what others have told you.
Before you actually commit to this it’s important to make sure you both want it. If either of you have been hinting at the inevitable possibility that you may not work out, it’s probably not going to. Either go into college fully devoted to making it work, or don’t do it at all. You’ll be wasting your time if you’re half-heartly trying to keep him or her around just because of your emotional attachment.
If you decide to put all that you have into this, there are a few preliminary steps that will make the high school to college relationship transition easier on both of you.
You may have already found yourself lost in the rush and eagerness of starting freshman year: attending welcome week events, getting used to your workload (Can you say Writing the Essay, anyone?), and making tons of new friends. You’re in New York City, it’s enthralling and busy, and if your boyfriend or girlfriend isn’t here with you, it may seem like you’re in totally separate worlds now. As much as you’d like to believe they are, the streets of New York are no longer the hallways of your high school. There are no Friday night movies to attend together, or calculus homework to eh hem, “study”, together. Your classes are different, your schedules are different, and (most likely) your campuses are different. So how do you relate to each other anymore?
You may find it’s a bit overwhelming to keep track of all the new names they drop. You look on Facebook and they’re tagged in pictures with people you’ve never met, or have never even heard them mention. While it’s exciting for you to both talk about all your new experiences and new life, it’s important to still talk about the things that once brought you together. Keep in touch with your mutual friends from back home, so when you Skype with your boyfriend or girlfriend, you can talk about something you’re both familiar with, rather than a topic that may be foreign to the other person. Talk about your parents, your old friends, or anything that’s happening at home, so that you’re both reminded that you came from the same place despite being in different places now.
On the other hand, it’s important that you make the effort to know all the new people in his or her life. If you’re going to visit, or even if you’re on the same campus, strive to know their latest friends- eventually, they may be your friends too. Adjust to not only your budding life at college, but to theirs as well.
Let any of the angsty teenage conflicts you may have had in high school diminish: drop the jealousy, work out any trust issues, and increase the communication. Be excited for each other and all the new possibilities that are at your feet. Neither of you are in high school anymore, so you’re both adults now. It’s time to let your relationship mature as well.
Keep it up and this summer you’ll be back home, and on your way to a sweet few months at the beach. Except this time: they’ll be there swimming next to you.
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