Here’s My Take on Big And Carrie’s Relationship On Sex and The City

In my teenage years, Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf from Gossip Girl were my ultimate couple and Chuck was my crush. Only after growing up did I realize how toxic their relationship was and how mean Chuck was.

A similar phenomenon happened when I rewatched Sex and The City (SATC). I’ve watched SATC three times so far. After finishing the TV show again this past summer, I had a different perspective on Big and Carrie’s relationship. For me, Big shows red flags as early on as the first season, but I still see fan accounts on instagram shipping the couple or appreciating Big’s attractiveness. 

In the hope of showing that the media and also fans sometimes romanticize couples that are actually not healthy, I’ve listed all of the red flags I spotted in Big.

S1E7: Big decides to be a polygamist in silence.

When they first start dating, Carrie stops seeing other men. She’s in a relationship with Big, she likes him, and she’s emotionally involved. But Big still goes out with other women, and Carrie only discovers it when she spots him on a date.

For me, Big didn’t have any respect for Carrie’s feelings. If he wanted to have an open relationship, he should have established this preference from the beginning.

In my opinion, what he did was cheating.

 S2E12: Big doesn’t share his moving plans with Carrie.

Big and Carrie are now in a serious and monogamous relationship; Big has even slept at Carrie’s place. Still, he doesn’t tell her that he might soon move to Paris for six months for work. 

When Carrie discovers this news, she tries to think of ways that their relationship could work long-distance for the six month time period. Meanwhile, Big never included her in his plan. It was as if she was not part of his life. 

Despite Carrie’s attempts to make it work, Big doesn’t seem interested in continuing their relationship, so they break up. 

It feels like Big was just using Carrie to fulfill his pleasures. If he didn’t want her in his future, why didn’t he break up with her earlier? Again, he had no respect for Carrie’s feelings. 

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S3E9: Big only reaches out to Carrie when he needs her.

In Paris, Big meets the model Natasha with whom he marries soon after getting back to New York. 

Although Carrie suffers with the news, she later starts dating Aidan, who provides her with a healthy relationship for the first time–Carrie even thinks it’s weird that nothing unpleasant is happening. For her, Aidan is perfect and emotionally available, which she always wanted Big to be. 

Carrie was happy with her relationship, but Big was bored with his marriage, so he started to call her house, insisting to meet her. They then start an affair, which leads to Big’s divorce and Carrie and Aidan’s breakup. 

Yet again, Big uses Carrie to satisfy his wishes and, as always, she’s the one who ends up facing the consequences. 

 S5E7: Big plays with Carrie’s emotions.

After so much drama, Big and Carrie decide to remain friends. 

Big is living in Napa, California, but he comes back to the city for a heart surgery. Carrie visits him in the hospital and takes care of him while he recovers. 

One night after the surgery, Big says to Carrie: ”You’re an angel, you know that?. . .

I’m serious. What are we doing? I’m talking about us. Life’s too short.” Even I believed Big was finally emotionally available to Carrie at this point, but it was just temporary. 

When he woke up and Carrie asked how he was feeling, he answered rather rudely, not wanting her help or touch. As he said, he was feeling himself again. He was fine, so he didn’t need Carrie anymore. 

At least Carrie noticed and didn’t fall for this trap again: ”It was a shift imperceptible to anyone but me. But I knew Big’s heart had closed again. Maybe it would reopen in another five years, maybe it wouldn’t. But I knew myself well enough to know that’s not enough. For the first time all week, I didn’t feel like crying. Life’s too short.”

S6E20: “Big finally opens his heart to Carrie.”

Carrie moves to Paris with her boyfriend Aleksandry. Without friends, a job, or French fluency, she’s unhappy there. Her friends agree that Big should go to Paris to take her back to New York. 

When they meet in Paris, Big tells Carrie that she’s the one, and the show ends with portraying Big and Carrie in a Disney-like ”happily ever after.” 

However, we don’t see the couple having a mature conversation about the rekindled relationship. After so much pain that Carrie went through, I think she should’ve asked for specific promises and commitments; they should have talked about what should be different from then on. 

Moreover, as we know from Sex and The City movies, Big hasn’t really changed—he actually abandons Carrie on their wedding day. 

Stay tuned for the next article to hear my take on Big and Carrie’s relationship in the movies. 

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