As deadline season looms, the library becomes my second home, and all alongside the temptation to go and sit in a pub garden when even the slightest ray of sunshine comes out, that’s when you know that not only is summer approaching, but the end of the academic year is near. For me, this is the last end of an academic year I will ever face. 17 years of education will soon be a distant memory.
In the past weeks, I have realised that all of my “lasts “are quite rapidly coming around … my last spontaneous midday pint on campus, my last time entering the library, my last time walking around campus, my last time being able to walk into my housemates room and lay on her floor, my last time living this close to all of my friends, my last time packing up and moving home for the holidays …. I’m going to stop before I get too nostalgic and start crying, but what I am getting at is that I am beginning to realise that these hypothetical “lasts” are soon to become a reality, and I am not sure how I feel about it.
One thing that I have started reflecting on is how much I have learnt during my time at university, not just what supply and demand is and how to ask for a glass of wine in Spanish, but most importantly what I have learnt about myself. I think it has taken doing a degree during a global pandemic, moving to another country, and dealing with bouts of mental health flare ups for me to realise that I am one resilient person. I never give myself the credit where it is due, not just because I find it extremely hard to be positive about myself, but also because so many people across the globe have been through the same thing and we all need to realise how resilient we actually are.
Resilience to me now isn’t just ‘oh I got through a tough time and made it out the other side’, it is realising and recognising that I never gave up on myself. No matter how hard times get, I am the only consistency in my life. I have always pushed through and been my own biggest supporter and believer. As corny as it sounds, I am actually very proud of myself that even in some of the toughest times I am still here and 4 months away from graduating.
Next lesson: you can’t plan everything. If you know me, I think you will be shocked to even hear those words come out of my mouth being that I am Amy aka the biggest planner you will ever meet. I have my days so meticulously planned out on a Monday, but by Friday I am playing catch up because life gets in the way. We’re no longer living at home with parents, we have to look after ourselves and sometimes things do not go the way we planned. Sometimes you write an essay, realise you haven’t even answered the question and have to rewrite it, sometimes you realise you have to go to Tesco’s because you have no food in, and sometimes you are more hungover than you planned after a spontaneous night out the night before.
What I have now come to realise is that not everything in my life can be in my control, and it is more down to how I respond when things no longer go to plan. I currently have no idea what I’m doing after university and that is something that both excites and terrifies me… no longer being able to envision my life past September is a scary thought. But there is a whole world out there and we do not have to follow a particular path, we are in control of our own life, no one else is making the decision for us. Just do what makes you happy.
Time is the biggest thief and no matter how much I dislike the stress that comes with academics, time flies by even though I desperately want it to slow down. Soon some of the most important people in my life are going to disperse around the country and in some cases the globe, whilst we all navigate post-grad life. I am excited for all of us, but I am almost angry at my past self for not making the most of every single moment and realising that time is not on our side. Friends throughout university and life come and go, at least in my experience, but the ones still standing by my side I will cherish forever. If I could tell past Amy one thing, it would be talk to more people and put yourself out there more… don’t be scared that people won’t like you because if they don’t it doesn’t matter, you have a whole world out there full of ‘your people’, and there is a lesson to be learnt and an experience to be had with everyone.
Cherish life, cherish the small moments, cherish the people you are surrounded because soon you will look back and realise that life is worth more than being insecure and caring what others think. Life is too short to not be happy in every moment possible. Believe in yourself, the whole world is out there waiting for you <3