‘Don’t fall in love in college’. This was Kristin Doherty’s advice in a recent Cosmopolitan article for the online magazine’s ‘Write for Cosmo’ series. Three years at university race by so quickly and it may feel like there’s so much to fit into that time: degree, friendships and societies. A lot of people also find love. You could believe the depressing picture that Kristin conveys of romantic relationships at university that it, like uni itself, is only fleeting and will leave you wishing you’d seen more of your friends or gone to more socials. But will you really leave university regretting that you fell in love?
Alice*, a final year History student, has been taken for most of her time at Nottingham. “I came to uni in a relationship with someone from home. Then when we broke up in the first term of second year, I was properly single for 3 weeks until my current boyfriend Rob* asked me out on a date. “
With graduation approaching in a few months, she has started looking back at the last three years and the impact her relationship status has had upon them. “I don’t see much of my housemates as I’m always with Rob when they make plans, and then they are busy when I’m free. I think I could have joined more societies – there isn’t much time to spare between my degree, seeing Rob and seeing my friends.”
A Her Campus survey reveals though that most of you who are in relationships at university are pretty pleased with your extracurricular involvement and social life. In fact, 66% tell us that they wouldn’t take part in more university activities if they were single, and 63% say their social life has either improved or stayed the same since coupling up.
Third year English student at the University of Nottingham, Rebecca Dowler, who has been with her boyfriend Tom for 1 year and 8 months believes it’s all about balance. “I have never turned down an invite from friends if it’s possible that I may be doing something with Tom, unless it’s a really important event such as an anniversary,” she says. Rebecca admits that she has joined fewer societies this year, but that it is more to do with the inevitable intense workload of final year. “I’m trying to prioritise my degree. Though I might get involved with tennis when it gets warmer!”
Colette Davies, also a third year English student at Nottingham, agrees with Rebecca about the importance of keeping up other pursuits besides a boyfriend. “We don’t do everything together,” she says referring to her almost 2 year relationship with Olly. “Being in a relationship doesn’t stop me from doing anything, such as going out with course friends and being involved in societies.” For both Rebecca and Colette, a relationship is about having someone to come back to and support you throughout the stresses of university life. “It makes everything a lot easier,” says Rebecca. “You’re there for each other during one of the most stressful points of your life.”
By final year – a time which by the end you and your significant other could be heading in different (perhaps incompatible) directions in terms of career or location – it’s natural to wonder what graduating might mean for your relationship. In her Cosmopolitan article, Kristin reveals that the end of her university romance came around when her ex began to look into grad schools. Is the post-grad future of their relationships a concern for UK students?
Alice is one of the 40% of students surveyed that admit to worrying about what might happen between her and Rob after the end of the year. “We just haven’t talked about it. We live in different parts of the country usually, and he’s been talking about getting a job at home. I‘d rather not bring it up yet in case it makes things awkward. “
Rebecca and Tom though have been talking about the future, specifically going travelling together. “We’ve had general conversations about the future. We would like to go to Australia – if funds allow.” The importance of living in the present, however, was something she was keen to stress. “It’s not right going through life thinking ‘what if’. Just enjoy it.”
After Colette graduates this academic year, she’ll be faced with the prospect of long-term long-distance as Olly has another 4 years at university studying Architecture in Nottingham. This isn’t anything new for the couple though as Colette was in Venice last year for a semester abroad. “It means that I don’t worry – as long as it’s not forever. In Venice, the best thing was that it had an end in sight. Many couples may worry, but Olly and I have gone through it already.”
Is it worth embarking on a relationship at university then? A unanimous yes. In fact, 83% of you say that it has changed your life for the better. Despite feeling anxious about what the future might spell for her and Rob, Alice admits that she has created some of her favourite memories with him. “From going to Paris to just being silly together, I’ve had some amazing times. It’s made my university career so great in a lot ways.”
So fall in love at college – it may be one of the best experiences you’ll have at university.
Sources:
http://www.cosmopolitan.com/advice/work-money/write-for-cosmo/dont-fall-in-love-in-college
Edited by Faiza Peeran