The beginning of university can offer an opportunity for a new life chapter, new people and new loves (long or fleeting). For many students, however, it can mean embarking on long distance love if their significant other is going to another university or staying at home.
You may have been told by parents, friends or even the media that it won’t last, that your university commitments will take priority. You perhaps have doubts yourself, but don’t despair! A recent study of 63 couples – about half which were long distance- was published in the Journal of Communication this summer that revealed couples who found themselves geographically apart and have less frequent interactions are actually more likely to have more meaningful conversations.
Researchers aren’t certain on why distance fosters better communication, but we at Her Campus can offer you a few handy tips for keeping the spark alive and well while at different universities.
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Skype and Facechat
Arguably two of the most useful inventions for long distance lovers. While there is nothing wrong with a traditional phone chat, the illusion that Skype and Facechat create of your loved one almost being in the same room certainly adds a more intimate feel to the conversation.
Rachel Sussman, a licensed psychotherapist and author of The Breakup Bible: The Smart Woman’s Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce agrees. “Sometimes when we’re on the telephone, we can be distracted,” she says. “But if you’re sitting down for a video chat, then you’re really focused on each other.”
With a good internet connection Skype and Facechat are completely free, so you won’t have to worry about racking up expensive phone bills.
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Romantic/Sexy Emails
Your parents and friends have a point about how busy university life can get – Skype chats may become difficult to organise when you have lectures all day and that NUSnow social at Mooch that you’ve wanted to go to all week is the same night your significant other wants to talk. However, you can still touch base instantly and efficiently with thoughtful emails or messages.
You wouldn’t be the only one. A Daily Mail survey revealed last year that 96% of women and 92% of men send romantic emails. They don’t have to be just full of sweet nothings either – ‘sexting’, the sending messages detailing your bedroom fantasies, can be a great way of keeping the sexual chemistry going while you’re apart and build anticipation ahead of your next meeting.
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Love letters
Sending love letters may seem like a thing of the past with the internet making communication instantaneous. Indeed, in the same survey the Daily Mail reported only 6% of women and 4% of men still write them.
None the less, that would probably make this option of communication really special. Imagine how touched your significant other will feel opening a set of handwritten pledges of love, the evidence of your effort and commitment to the relationship in words.
There’s something to be said about the worth of putting pen to paper, especially if it comes with a small present or token of appreciation. Even a postcard of the Robin Hood statue with ‘Let’s visit here one day!’ written on the back will surely make your partner smile.
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Plan ahead
Your hectic university schedule also means that planning visits well ahead – and then sticking to those plans – becomes very helpful.
Booking transport in advance will also work out well for your student loan, since train tickets are generally cheaper if bought several weeks before. With a 16-25 railcard also you can get a third off.
With the a trip in sight, the weeks apart will feel easier as you’ll have some definite time together to look forward to. In the lead up to the visit, you could talk about all the exciting things you’re going to do together when the day arrives, whether it be lounging around together or planning special dates out. There’s a lot to do in Nottingham for couples – a film at the Savoy, ice skating at the Capital FM arena or a romantic dinner in City Centre.
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Be honest and open
An openness to talk about issues with your partner –even if they are uncomfortable – is absolutely vital in long distance love. Worries and doubts can be hard enough to express in person, let alone via online or phone communication. An extra effort to communicate and also to listen to your partner’s concerns will go a long way into increasing the intimacy of relationship.
Regardless of distance, sometimes there comes a point sadly in any relationship when you realise that things aren’t working out. Honesty here is important too. Your partner will better appreciate you being open about your decision than letting the relationship simply fizzle out.
Sources
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2211231/The-end-love-letter-Couples-prefer-tweet-sweet-nothings-putting-pen-paper.html The Daily Mail survey.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/07/18/long-distance-relationship-benefits_n_3616839.httml The study mentioned.
Edited by Faiza Peeran.