You’ve seen the movie: two (impossibly attractive, but that part’s optional) friends arrange to be regular hook-ups, then fall hopelessly in love and live happily ever after. But really, that’s not what you want. Neither do you want one person to develop unreciprocated feelings and ruin the friendship forever. It seems like friends with benefits situations are too good to be true and only ever end badly, but fear not! There are ways to ensure maximum pleasure and minimum pain, as well as maintaining an actual friendship.
First of all, I have to say, it is good to start with an actual friendship. It’s not completely essential – we all know it’s possible to have nights of wild passion with absolute strangers – but it’s always nice to know that you can stick around and play Mario Kart or go for a cheeky Nando’s after the deed is done. An initial friendship means you’ve already built some trust in each other, which is great if you want to start experimenting in the bedroom. It also means it’s a lot easier to talk to your bed buddy, which is critical. You need to let each other know where you stand (i.e. sex and fun and nothing else) so that if either party does start to see things differently, you can do something about it.
Another thing that’s really helpful is having some element of non-attraction. This may sound counterintuitive, but hear me out: if there’s one fundamental aspect of your friend’s personality, appearance or behaviour that really doesn’t do it for you, you should always be able to keep some distance and avoid slipping into that tricky “so, what are we?” territory. It’s also good to set some concrete boundaries you’re both comfortable with to avoid getting too ‘relationshippy’. When you’re this close to someone it’s easy for feelings to develop, so things like not relying on each other emotionally, not cuddling, even not kissing unless you are actually engaged in the act, make sure those blurred lines stay clear.
Finally, because sometimes this is inevitable, you should plan what to do if one of you does start developing feelings for the other. If this happens, you really do have to talk it through. Who knows, maybe the other person feels the same and you can develop things into a relationship. If that’s not the case though, it’s best to call it quits and go back to just being friends. Even though it’s entirely possible to be sleeping with someone without getting emotional, once the feelings are there, continuing things will only make them stronger and lead to disaster.
I can’t stress enough that what makes a friends with benefits relationship work, at least in my experience, is honesty. If you’re uncomfortable with any aspect of your relationship, if you feel you’re comfortable enough with your boundaries to relax them a little bit, if you’re just not up for it tonight because you’ve just discovered a new favourite series on Netflix, say so. Your only obligations to each other are these: be honest and keep things fun.
Photo sources
http://www.dcfilmdom.com/2011/07/friends-with-benefits/
Edited by Mackenzie Orrock