The festive season is upon us! How do we know? Because the Christmas adverts are out in full force. All of the big names and brands sticking some jingle bells and glitter in their ads to announce the anniversary birth of Christ in exactly the way he would have wanted. Below I’ve provided examples of the best and worst you’ll see this Christmas.
John Lewis – Man on the Moon
For years now John Lewis have been pulling on heart-strings with their messages of consumerist culture thinly veiled behind animated penguins and slow covers of classic songs. This year however, they took a different approach and decided to disturb us with the story of how a little girl stood by and watched an old man not get invited anywhere for his tea.
I have so many questions for the old grey man. So many. Not least of which is why would he decided to build his house in a crater considering the massive uphill walk to get to that bench he insists on visiting daily. Also I have a GCSE in three different sciences and they’ve so far led me to believe the moon is a barren wasteland that’s unsuitable for farming, which begs the question: what on earth is he eating? The poor bloke is probably starving and growing weaker as he attempts the routine climb out of the ditch he built his home in.
I understand that the kid in the advert is probably no more than 7 years old but she still fails to grasp the severity of the situation and her thoughtless gift condemns the moon-man to a lifetime of loneliness. Why would she think that sending him a telescope would possibly be helpful? He can’t boil that up in a hearty stew and eat it for dinner. Why not a message that says “HELP IS ON THE WAY”? And most concerning of all is why has she not alerted any kind of authority to this abandoned elderly moon-man? Such a cruel fate to have him watch her at Christmas, surrounded by her loved ones and presents, knowing that somewhere out in space is a friendless grey chap who’s not had a decent roast in years.
Festive Spirit: 0/10
Moon Garms: 8/10
Sainsburys – Mog’s Christmas Mishap
This is not so much an advert for Christmas at Sainsburys, but a stark warning about leaving animals in charge of cooking your dinner. I’m not sure what this family expected to be completely honest. They’ve apparently been living in a death-trap of a house for god knows how long and anyone who watches Eastenders knows that most fires occur during the holidays.
Fortunately no one was hurt, except all the Taste The Difference chestnuts and various items from the Sainsburys homeware range. Even with calls from the neighbourhood lunatic to give Mog a medal, they thankfully did not award the feline anything for what was basically arson so at least some people have their priorities straight.
The overall message is one of goodwill, the neighbours gathering around to share their meal is nice if a little weird since the house was very recently on fire. It’s cheerful and Christmassy, a welcome change from the harrowing smoke filled scenes earlier in the advert. All is forgiven despite Mog’s selfish cowardice when she attempted to flee the crime scene while her family slept. She gets her egg (a possible explanation for her gargantuan size) and they have a merry time. All in all, not a bad ad. Then again I’m just glad Sainsburys departed from that wildly insensitive WW1 theme they did last Christmas.
Awkward Dining Rating: 7.56/10
Boots- Discover More
Pleasing to watch but fairly standard. Contains all the classic tropes of both a Boots advert and a feel-good Christmas film: the brass band playing, sparkly models adorning a tree with glitter, bath gels that you’re almost certainly going to receive from an elderly relative.
I just wanted to see something a little more insightful from Boots this year. Maybe a heart-warming tale about a loofa that falls in love with a shrinking bar of soap or something. Although that may be slightly depressing and I may be missing the point slightly.
Originality: 2/10
Lidl- School of Christmas
Strong from Lidl here. Funny. Upbeat. Festive. The big three when you’re looking at Christmas adverts. It takes place in the Lidl School for Christmas and frankly who doesn’t need a lesson in untangling lights? They teach the secret to making the perfect Leftover Sandwich and oven arrangement to maximise flavour and minimise waiting time. Possibly far more relevant to our lives than anything you may learn in a Geography classroom.
Personally I feel the highlight of the advert was the class that teaches how to dress up your pet to fit the festivities. If any advert contains an animal wearing human clothes I’m there. Seriously show me a ferret in an elf costume and a daschund in a tiara and I will watch that on repeat.
Overall it not only captures Christmas and all the traditions brought with it, but also a valuable message about the human capacity to learn new ways of cooking sprouts. 4 and a ½ gold stars for you Lidl.
Humour: 7/10
Education Rating: 8/10
M&S- The Art of Christmas
A bit bland if I’m honest. If this advert proves anything it’s that apparently you can just fire glitter cannons at models and call it a Christmas ad.
It’s got that classic M&S feel that’s certain, clean quick shots of good looking people and even better looking food. But it’s lacking soul. I have a very strong suspicion that the whole thing was a rushed last-minute job and someone just googled ‘most played song of 2015’ and stuck Uptown Funk on in the background. A wise choice since Anaconda may not have had the same effect.
Magic: 3/10
Sparkle: 4/10
Aldi- Man in the Moon
ALL HAIL THE KINGS OF BANTER. Aldi have proved themselves absolute jokers once again and have created the strongest advert you’ll see this Christmas.
Taking lead from John Lewis’s tale of woe, Aldi show the moon man compare telescope prices and get visited by a hot moon-gal for Christmas. Great chat. The only thing that could improve this advert is if the soundtrack was Hotline Bling and they dance like Drake at the end.
Banter Level: 100/100
So here’s to 2015 and all the festive adverts we’re enjoying and even the ones we aren’t, as Christmas is a time for forgiveness. Perhaps in 2016 we’ll see Sergei finally declares his love for Alexander the Meerkat and they get married as Arnold Swcharzenegger officiates the wedding. Merry Christmas everyone.
Edited by Naomi Upton
Image sources:
Image 1 http://d.ibtimes.co.uk
Image 2 https://i.ytimg.com
Image 3 http://i1.mirror.co.uk
Image 4 http://i3.walesonline.co.uk
Image 5 http://i3.mirror.co.uk
Image 6 http://static.standard.co.uk