I turn 20 this week, and I think that it is moments like this that make me look back at my life – entering a new decade and all that. Birthdays have something about them that make us all want to cry, for fear of the looming future and waning past, and I think we can all relate to the nostalgia that hits on your birthday eve, desperately trying to make the most of your last moments as a teen. These moments of longing come and go in waves, and I worry that this article will feel dichotomous in its exploration of nostalgia, much like how I view it in life; one second I try to remind myself to live in the present, and yet in order to do that I remind myself that future me will be grateful when she looks back, much like I am now when I see myself in the past.
Although I am turning 20, I am also 19, and 16, and 11, and 5. I am every version of myself that has come before, and as much as it is my 20th birthday, it is 5 year old me’s birthday too, and she deserves to celebrate every present moment in which she lives, feel the candles warm against her face when she leans to blow them out, feel life slow down a little as she makes her wish. I have wished for all sorts of things in my life: a Barbie dreamhouse, a new bike, Lego friends sets, love, happiness, and health, and although you are not supposed to tell people what you wish for, this year I think I will wish to be more present.
In a world that is constantly becoming more digitised, and with TikTok edits to songs backed with childhood laughter or ABBA’s ‘Slipping Through My Fingers’, it is easy to wish for times where life might have felt more simple, but it is important to remember that we often look back with rose-tinted glasses and remember memories to be perfect. The past connects us to each version of ourselves, and memories are such a beautiful thing, but you cannot move on in life if you stay stuck in the past. The same can be said for times when we look back and regret things that we did or did not do. Give your past self grace for the decisions that they made during the time in their life, and give yourself grace for the decisions that you are making now. As much as it is important not to spend too long on phones, capture moments where you feel alive – you might hate the pictures now, but I guarantee that in 3 years time you will look back and focus solely on the smile lines in your face, or the laugh caught on the edge of your lips. Right now you are beautiful and you are alive.
It gets hard sometimes, especially at this time of year where reflections become so common, because we can get so tangled up in missing past versions of ourselves, or times that we wish to go back to, that we forget to enjoy the time we spend in the present. We pine for moments that no longer exist in real time and ignore what is happening right now. So, as the new year approaches, with all of its complicated emotions and resolutions (that lets be real no one ever completes) try to take a step back, breathe in the present, and exhale knowing that if life was perfect before, it will feel perfect again. Nostalgia is proof of a life worth living.