Now that I have finally (FINALLY!) finished my final papers and exams, it’s time to sit back with a beer and reminisce about all the great times I’ve had this year and in past years at Notre Dame. After seeing Avengers: Age of Ultron last week, which was awesome, I thought it would be fun to figure out which Avengers my friends would be if they were secretly superheroes. Odds are you know a few of these characters, or recognize yourself among them.
Your Angry Drunk Friend (Who is Really Quiet and Studious in Class): The Hulk
In class, you would never know he had opinions, but properly lubricated he’s king of the pong table and master of slap cup. He can out bong, out shotgun, out shot and out chug you. He’s the life of the party, until he has one drink too many and suddenly it’s time to go home.
Gym Rat: Thor
This is your friend who is always in athletic gear. This person may be an athlete, wearing nothing but team issue Under Armour, or may simply be the girl with the latest Lululemon attire. Odds are you rarely see them in something other than athletic shoes, gym shorts, and tank tops. She’s probably a fan of telling you about her latest workouts and how much she’s lifting.
High Functioning Alcoholic Engineer Who Still has a GPA Higher than Yours: Iron Man
He’s a little bit flashy and you know he’s going to develop the next great tech toy, but when you see him at the bar you have to wonder if he really is the next Steve Jobs. Despite showing up hungover to class every Thursday and Friday, he still has a 3.9. You don’t know how he does it, but he’s the biggest tech wizard you’ve ever met.
Star Athlete and Service Award Recipient: Captain America
He’s the nicest guy you’ve ever met and if he wasn’t constantly at practice, you’d think he was just your average guy (with awesome muscles). In his free time he volunteers at the Robsinson center and he’s always serving as a Eucharistic at his dorm mass. He’s always happy to grab coffee with you and you’ve probably taken him to your SYR.
The Girl with the Luck of the Irish: The Black Widow
You don’t know how she does it, but this girl can pull anything off. Your history professor who never gives extensions gives her an extra two days. Roll call last semester… she forgot to do it, but she never lost her seats in any of her classes and it was NBD. You’re pretty sure she could miss a tuition payment and still be fine. You don’t know how she gets so lucky, but she’s a great friend and magically seems to make things happen wherever she goes. You’ve even seen her talk her way into Finni’s with her fake, and if that’s not a superpower, I don’t know what is.
That Kid You Friend-Zoned who has One Line Zingers: Hawkeye
Hawkeye is one of your best friends. He probably liked you at some point, but you friend zoned him early on. He keeps you honest and every so often his observations are so keen and right on target that you think he may be able to read your mind. You wouldn’t trade him for anything, even when he calls you out.
The Guy Who’s Going to Be President Someday: Director Fury
This guy is going to take over the world at some point. He started as hall president, then he became class president, and now he’s student body president. You’re not quite sure what he does, but you just keep voting for him. He’s always around when you need him and the rest of the time he’s off the radar making your life better in ways you’ll never know.
The Girl from Orgo Who Got Hot Senior Year: Agent Hill
She probably was shy and sweet freshman year. She never wore makeup or form fitting clothes, but you run into at Brother’s two years later and you’re blown away. How you never noticed her gorgeous eyes and dazzling smile, you’re not sure. But now there’s a magic in the sound of her name. She’s beautiful…and here comes her funny, attractive, athletic boyfriend. Bummer!
The Secret Serial Killer: Agent Coulson
This is the quiet girl down the hall who you’ve never really spoken to because she doesn’t talk. Except sometimes she does. And then you fear for your life. You don’t know who her friends are or what she does in her free time, but you’ll make sure you lock your door tonight.
If you haven’t seen Avengers: Age of Ultron yet, go see it! Have a great summer and remember, if you walk out that door, you’re an Avenger.
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