I always thought that by my senior year of college I would have my whole life planned out. I would know who I wanted to be, what I wanted to do and I would certainly no longer struggle with the many anxieties that college life provokes.
As a college senior, I can attest that this assumption is very untrue.
Senior scaries have really been hitting me hard lately. I am surrounded by friends who already have their jobs on Wall Street and are soaring through their classes with ease as they know where they will be and what they will be doing in years following graduation. Although I have been enjoying my classes, I am certainly not soaring through my courses and in some cases, have been struggling to successfully complete assignments. I definitely have not gotten used to this pressured academic environment at Notre Dame where anything below an “A” is considered a failure. And, since I really don’t know what I want to do with my life or where I want to be, these feelings of anxiety and falling behind are only heightened.
Another aspect of my senior scaries is realizing how soon my college experience will be over. I have had some of my best memories at this school. I am constantly surrounded by my amazing friends, and there is always an opportunity to have a good time. I also stress that I have not done enough at Notre Dame l to leave a lasting impact and that I need more time to do so, making me rethink everything I have done in the past 3 years. My thoughts are constantly taunting me, saying t I am not ready to be in the real world, I don’t have what it takes to live such an independent life and I won’t be happy if I am not in the same city as my close friends. I finally feel like I have created a life I love here, just in time for it all to end. That is very scary.
On the other hand, I am proud of everything I have learned and accomplished. I have grown into a strong, intelligent, independent individual who is mentally mature and cognizant. However, as I do still have mini breakdowns about senior scaries and my future, my anxious thoughts creep in and tell me that I need more college time in Notre Dame’s cocoon to further grow and develop.
I think a general reminder for myself, and everyone, is that we are all constantly growing. There is never going to be a finish line where our minds stop learning and developing, and it certainly will not be senior year of college. There is a whole life ahead of us. While it is overwhelming, it should also be filled with excitement and curiosity. Life doesn’t end after college, it simply starts a new chapter. Senior year is definitely scary, but it is also a beautiful year of closing a chapter, and opening a new one.