This is a short history on realizing that Valentine’s Day is really about celebrating the good people in your life. Not just re-creating a T-Swift song. Learn from me.
Sometimes I think Valentine’s day is the worst secular holiday in existence. At best it’s a really sweet celebration of realizing that the cute person in your life is pretty swell. At worst it’s a capitalistic farce preying on women’s insecurities and the need to find validation in expensive and ridiculous gestures (grown women getting bears?). Seriously, it’s as close to a lose-lose you can find in holiday form. If you’re happy and in a relationship you have to deal with Facebook jealous and if you’re rocking that single girl swag, V Day manages to make you question how happy and not-alone you actually are.
However. I genuinely do like Valentine’s Day. And yes, I genuinely like Valentine’s Day even though I’ve spent the majority of them alone. As a kid, I loved it. Everyone in my class made paper mailboxes and we spent those halcyon days exchanging cards and candy. Back in the day I’d religiously save my favorite valentines for my best friends and whatever boy I had a crush on at the time, secretly hoping that my crushes spent as much time carefully writing and sealing my valentine card as I did on theirs.
Yet somewhere along the way– middle school? — good old Valentine’s Day wasn’t as fun as it used to be. Gone were the days of class-wide exchange of cute cards. Now girls with boyfriends got giant teddy bears and cards and chocolate and flowers, the works. And even though my single group of friends would insist that Valentine’s Day was lame, I silently pined for such tangible evidence that someone cared about me. I wanted the works.
Then came high school. Going to a single sex Catholic high school threw a wrench in Valentine’s Day and made the execution of sending and spreading love extremely public. I mean, girls with boyfriends got their Valentine’s Day gifts delivered either by a flower service or during lunch by their boyfriends. Ever seen a boy entering a high school filled with hundreds of teenage girls? Madness. The girls who received such public displays of affection inspired so much awe and envy.
All right.
I had it okay back in the high school years. I didn’t have a boy but I had some pretty attentive friends. My high school consistently did a flower and chocolate exchange with our brother schools and I always got at least one or two flowers with ridiculous notes attached, thanks to performing in my school’s musical. Some girls got over a dozen flowers, but usually my friends and I did something fun as a group so we didn’t mind. But I’ll admit that I’m a romantic (always have been), so of course every year I hoped that I would get a silly card from a cute boy. Senior year, the flower delivery guy got to school after the school day was over, so I got mine the Monday after Valentine’s Day. Yeah, fail. My poor best friends spent the entire last two periods of school going to the “bathroom” to see if my surprise bouquet had arrived in the office. I really appreciated how much effort they put into making sure I had a good Valentine’s Day. Their love and running around meant so much more than my late bouquet.
The nice carnations I received freshman year of college couldn’t hold a candle to the silliness and memorability to all the things my lovely friends in high school did for me. And then singledom struck hard and fast sophomore year, turning Valentine’s Day SAD – Single Awareness Day. I had been so spoiled the past two years and then there I was, bitterly wondering who had created such an awful day. I was 20 and had only 2 valentines. What a cheerful statistic. As cheesy as it sounds, I just wanted someone to remember me, even if it was by doing a silly little thing like giving me precisely one carnation or an awesome card. Fortunately, one of my closest friends down the hall bought me an entire bag of Extra Cheddar Goldfish Valentines (to consume, alone, and not share), my best guy friend send me a ridiculous card as per tradition, and a friend I hadn’t seen in a few months send me a “thinking of you” card. THREE people reminded me that honestly, Valentine’s Day is not about having a boyfraaand but about being loved and celebrating the good people in your life. That is something for which to be genuinely thankful.
Yes, Valentine’s Day isn’t nearly as exciting if you’re single, but if you have great friends, it can still be an awesome day. So if you don’t have a valentine this year, don’t go celebrate SAD. Instead, have a great night with your friends.
A quick story: My junior year, I was studying abroad in London and the boyfriend was stateside. That afternoon, I went to Covent Garden and bought myself my favorite Ben’s Cookie (orange chocolate chip, delicious) and a heart lock to support heart cancer research and locked it on a huge heart. I wandered around and saw the Lindt Easter Eggs while snacking on free chocolate. Honestly, it was one of my favorite days in London. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t with my boyfriend. I’m sure he was thinking of me and while I didn’t get to spend “that day” with him, I got to go back to my flat to see my wonderful flatmates. I was inspired to do something for my flatmates (all 9 of them) before returning home so I bought a bouquet of red roses, a bottle of Irish Meadows (knock off Bailey’s), a box of Ben’s Cookies (legitimately the best cookies you will ever have), and I wrote them all Valentine’s Day heart cards.
Look at those hearts on hearts.
And this public display of affection for flatmates.
Making their day legitimately made mine. It was such a little gesture meant to make them smile and I was so unprepared for how grateful they were. (And to top it off, my boyfriend miraculously managed to send me a bouquet, what a guy.) This year, I made my close friends and my flatmates hand painted letters that correspond with the first letter of their first name. Eighteen letters later I had a tired hand, but it was awesome to figure out how to capture each of their personalities with colors, words, and designs. Each of them has been so wonderful that I wanted to remind them that they are incredible and loved. Everything they do has not gone unappreciated and I think that if we all made Valentine’s Day more about the many kinds of love, we would all be a lot happier.
So if you can, find a way to do something little for the people who make your life amazing on a daily basis. You don’t have to go back to making paper mailboxes, but you can definitely give all your best friends valentines that you picked out or made especially for them. It can even be something as simple as a “Happy Valentine’s Day, thank you for being in my life!” text. Let’s all try to make Valentine’s Day a good day for everyone. A few “I’m thinking of you”s can go a long way!