This past weekend, I attended the “Pervasive Porn” conference. While I agreed with nearly everything the panelists (Mary Anne Layden, Donna Hughes, and Mary Leary) had to say regarding the problems of child abuse, deceit, physical abuse, and even rape within the porn industry, I had some issues with their attitudes, and the attitudes of many baby boomers, with regards to our generation’s sexuality.
Amongst their many legitimate arguments, two much weaker ones stood out to me: that pornography romanticized the notion of sex outside of marriage, or even with strangers, and that all pornography is exploiting women. These assertions are reminiscent of an outdated version of feminism where women are expected to establish control over their sexuality by removing themselves from sex.
What I find most ironic about baby boomers complaining about how promiscuous millennials supposedly are is that they were the free love generation. They claim that the “loose” morals of twenty-somethings are ruining the sanctity of marriage; meanwhile, baby boomers have a huge divorce rate and teen sexual activity and pregnancy rates are actually dropping.
It’s true that people aren’t making pornography about couples in committed relationships. But to suggest that sex is something that should only be shared between married couples is ludicrous and impractical. Sex isn’t the end-all be-all of humanity, but it certainly isn’t this lurking evil with the power to destroy our society. During the panel, it was argued that sex wasn’t “recreational.” Using that logic, married couples would only engage in intercourse for the purpose of having children. Obviously, this is not true.
Another argument that was made was about the women who are victims of porn. Every day, desperate young women are tricked or coerced into performing in these films. Often, they agree to one thing and are then forced into doing something else on set. This is rape, and I cannot adequately express the sorrow and horror I feel at the thought of what these women have been through.
But that does not mean all women in porn are victims.
Asa Akira has over half a million followers on Twitter and a book. There is a niche of “feminist porn” that is growing in popularity; these videos are designed to appeal more to women and they are often directed by women. While many women are forced into pornography, we cannot disregard the ones who are making an active choice to participate (and even thrive) in the industry. Just because a women is in porn doesn’t mean she doesn’t have complete control over her own sexuality.
The problem with porn isn’t the porn itself; it’s the culture it’s brought into. You can sit and argue that violent pornography is contributing to rape culture, but it’s not the only factor. As a culture, we are extremely squeamish about sex. I’m not saying that it should be dinner party talk, but if we are so embarrassed by something as potentially serious as this, that we cannot explain to our children the difference between sex and rape, consent and coercion, fantasy and real life, then we have no right to place the blame entirely on this industry. If someone cannot talk to their son or daughter about what sex should be, then their only exposure to it is what they find online. Of course their perceptions will be skewed.
And whose fault is that really?
Here is a link to an article from the Observer regarding the conference.
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