“And he looked deep into my eyes, and I just knew! I felt the spark!”
We’ve all heard about the mythical spark. It’s a unicorn- fleeting and beautiful, but if and when you manage to capture it, it’s so majestic and inspiring that you’re probably going to marry the guy and have six beautiful, happy, healthy children, and live until a ripe old age. In the words of Ron Swanson, bully for you! Because it rarely works like that, the spark doesn’t happen when you first look into someone’s eyes. There can be attraction, interest, maybe a moment of “holy crap he’s so hot someone stuff my tongue back into my mouth,” but the electricity doesn’t start buzzing until you get physically intimate with someone. I’m not saying that you have to sleep with someone in order to know if they’re your soul mate. I’m saying that it’s important to be aware of your physical needs and your sex life can greatly improve if you find someone who clicks with those needs.
I met this guy a couple weeks ago and we hit it off. He’s a few years older than me (translation: he’s emotionally stable!) and a perfect gentleman. We went on a couple of dates and everything was perfect. The conversation flowed, he had great taste in scotch, and he was a really good kisser. I was really enjoying spending time with him. He was spontaneous too, a quality that not a lot of men have. I never felt uncomfortable or shy around him. He was perfect, so I decided to sleep with him. One night after dinner we go back to his place (brownie points: his apartment was very well decorated). He’s a great kisser, the foreplay is phenomenal, and then we start having sex. By the book, things are great but something was missing- that damned spark! We kept going for about thirty-five minutes and I kept waiting for it to happen but it just wasn’t. Don’t get me wrong sex is like pizza. When it’s good it’s great and when it’s bad it’s still good. The sex was not bad, but the chemistry wasn’t there. The sad part is that he clearly thought it was. And I don’t mean sad as in pathetic, I mean really a truly terrible tragedy because I actually liked this guy. We finish and he asks me if I want to stay over. I mumble some pathetic excuse and as I headed home I felt like a dog that had been punished. Why? Why me? Why is life so unfair? And then I remembered something my mother once told me: if you have to force it, it’s going to break sooner or later.
Maybe next time I’ll have the spark with someone. Maybe not. But no matter what, don’t settle for someone if they can’t satisfy you on every level. As women, and as human beings, we are way too good for anything less that what we deserve.
Xx Gemma
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