Ah, Tinder, the app every college student loves, or loves to hate.
Here’s how Notre Dame’s male dorms would stack up on the popular dating app, based on nothing but ridiculous stereotypes that, of course, have no bearing on the fine men of these institutions as individuals:
Alumni: With their Greek letters and intense dorm pride, Alumni’s Tinder profile would probably look very much like a frat boy’s: mostly preppy, but with more backwards baseball caps and plenty of red solo cups.
Carroll: Carroll is that guy you match with when your range is set to 5 miles, but when you go and check his profile, he’s now 1738 miles away.
Dillon: As the dorm with the biggest occupancy, there are a lot of Dillon guys. A lot. Dillon’s profile is all group shots with 10+ guys in them that you just don’t feel like cross-referencing to figure out which one he is.
Duncan: Duncan guys are very classy and sophisticated. Or at least they seem to be. Despite this, they have less of a country club vibe than Sorin.
Fisher: For obvious reasons, Fisher is the guy whose main picture is of him holding a fish.
I still have no idea why fish pics are a thing.
Keenan and Stanford: Sometimes, you’ll see the same profile picture twice, but for different guys. That’s Keenan and Stanford, attached at the hip. Or chapel.
Keough: I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone from Keough, so I’m going to assume no one lives there. Keough’s profile would be a fake profile that’s asking you about webcams for some reason…
Knott: Knott’s profile wasn’t even made by Knott. After YikYak grew out of “Knott 420” jokes, they decided to continue onto another social media platform.
Morrissey: You’ll be swiping through his pictures, see his face and say “Oh my god. Look at that face. You look like my next mistake,” (at least if your name is Taylor) but upon closer inspection, you’ll realize that he’s, unfortunately, quite short. Obviously, this is very shallow, but c’mon. It’s Tinder. With its unique architecture but teeny tiny dorms, this is Morrissey’s profile.
Old College: Hopefully, you don’t come across any guys on Tinder saying they’re in Old College. But, he’s probably your classmates boyfriend who really has no business being on Tinder.
O’Neill: If you’re looking for a nice, normal guy to take home to your parents, O’Neill is probably going to be your best bet.
St. Edward’s: Steds are very gentlemanly: this doesn’t mean they’re as classy as Duncan or as preppy as Sorin, but it does mean that they probably offer to get/make you food in their bio and are generally much nicer and less forward than most guys on Tinder.
Siegfried: You know that guy who talks about how into CrossFit he is and calls himself a “gym rat” in his profile? That’s Siegfried, all the way.
Sorin: Sorin guys are very country-club, what with their sweater vests and emphasis on tradition.
Zahm: Every so often, you’ll come across a joke profile: they’re Pizza, or a celebrity, or they’re just trolling with a ridiculous bio. That’s Zahm, weird, zany, but never boring.
Now I wonder what the girl dorms’ profiles would look like…
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