After reading the post that my colleague Kirsten published yesterday here at HCND, “Forget the Frump!”, I felt it was my duty as a journalist/woman to write a response covering the rest of the finals fashion diversity spectrum. Equal opportunity, my friends. It’s a good thing.
Kirsten’s test ritual is dressing well to test well. As a senior English major, I have a test ritual, as well: terror. What are tests? You mean I don’t get to work on this from the comfort of my dorm room? Is that a multiple choice question? What is this, finite math?
The perfect outfit for dealing with this unique brand of Scantron-induced fright, as Kirsten suggests, has a few different components, chief among them
comfort not caring about your appearance whatsoever. Comfort is a nice added bonus of the clothes that typically give off this vibe, but considering the muscle spasms that will inevitably set in in your writing hand within minutes of beginning the exam, you really can’t escape the testing room discomfort-free anyway. No matter whether you opt for comfort (read: no bra) or discomfort (read: the confining straps, literal and figurative, of the bras forced on you by the patriarchy), be sure that everyone in your class knows that your appearance was not among your concerns when preparing for the day this morning.
Mila Kunis understands.
Nothing says “I’m going to ace this test” more than showing up to the exam wearing the same sweatpants you’ve been wearing without pause for the last three days and nights. “Wearing more than one pair of pants during the 72 hours preceding this test,” an outfit like this tells its audiences, “is just not something that I have the time to deal with.” There’s nothing like wearing the same clothes you were wearing when you rolled out of bed this morning to give you the energy of someone who’s just woken up.
Another way to test well is to avoid speaking to other human beings while in the exam room. Since exams suck badly enough without the added stress of having to verbally communicate with people, clothes with words on them are a great way to tell classmates, “This is as much interaction as you’re going to get from me today.” My personal favorite word-emblazoned garment is my Howard Hall sweatpants. With their bright green and yellow letters, enormous size, and slowly fraying hemlines, they truly look great and go with everything. Well…they go great with the sentence, “THERE ARE WORDS ON MY PANTS. I DO NOT NEED TO GIVE YOU, CLASSMATE, ANY MORE WORDS FROM MY BRAIN.”
Of course, no finals-week outfit is reasonable without taking into account the cold and snow that will accompany your dorm-to-classroom commute. Great footwear options for walking across campus in the snow are old tennis shoes and salt-stained Uggs (preferably with sweatpants tucked into them). But don’t let overheating feet in the exam room keep you from testing at your best – feel free to bring along a pair of sandals or years-old moccasins to slip on with your knit socks once arriving at your exam. It’s finals week, so trust me: no one will judge you.
If you need inspiration for your finals week fashion, my friends, I would encourage you to seek me out. With just under 150 pages of papers to write this week, rest assured, I will be the very model of not trying too hard. Be my friend?