In a broad sense, what do college kids look for in the much-hyped “college experience?” Is it finding themselves after many smurfs at Between the Buns, or even a long island at CJs? Maybe it is to meet people, make friends, or even fall in love. Many would say the most fulfilling college experience is characterized by the friendships formed during their four years. However, occasionally these relationships become superficial. Now, don’t take superficial out of context; what I mean by it is, how well are we actually getting to know one another here at Notre Dame? We pride ourselves on “community,” but how communal are we, really?
This “college” instant gratifying attitude transcends to all universities. Girls are striving to become severely inebriated, often referred to “white girl wasted,” as guys work toward being the biggest bousses and ballas by reaching their maximum “turnt” swag. It is with this where the “college experience” is most normally summed.
After my first two years at Notre Dame, I have met a lot of cool people. However, that is solely what those relationships are—“meeting people”—not developing relationships. Having only three semesters left, I find myself disappointed at the lack of confidence I have in myself to go up to the guy in class, in the dining hall, or at a bar. I started asking myself, “What is wrong with me?” However, it is with much adieu where I have come to the real, ugly truth of society: it is not only my problem (weird right?). The problem is society. Social media sets a standard for public interactions between men and women. Now, I have strong critiques of both, however, I will begin by evaluating my own female sex.
Recently, I had the delight of turning twenty-one. I attended South Bend’s hottest nightclub. Having heard many connotations associated with Fever, the infamous “ya gotta experience the ‘feve,’” was most liberally shared. But, nowhere in this explanation is there a redeeming quality of this nightclub. After my first two experiences, I would properly describe it as a place where the drinks are cheap and the ambiance is cheaper. Where Tony Hawk isn’t the only one grinding, and somehow or another fist pumping becomes a sport. Now, take what you want from this, it is still a good time. However, it seems relationships are rarely made. On my $3 cab ride back to campus, I tried to convince myself of the great time I had. And yet, all I felt was empty. The next morning confirmed this emptiness as I awkwardly passed the guy (drunk the night before) who gave me his most admired attention for a whole minute before he realized the girl across the pool table would be an easier shot.
I am most critical about how we, as women, make things so easy for guys. Many of us are feminists by nature, working towards “equality” in all fields, yet we find ourselves time and time again degrading ourselves both physically and conversationally. Can there be any mutual and self-respect when self-mastery is gone in a social setting?
Respect for self and another comes in many forms. Talking about respect in terms of love is a thought at the forefront of everyone’s mind. I was talking to a friend about love. Love. Love. Love. What a beautiful word—equally delicate and provocative. We are all looking for love; most of us hope to meet someone to experience life with over the long haul. In our parents’ generation, it wasn’t rare to marry your college sweetheart. However, times have changed and many women are not as interested in finding husbands in college—however, we are still human beings—we will always be looking for companionship.
Today, in college, it’s hard to find a faithful, committed, awesomely cool (and nerdy at the same time) kind of guy. And why? I believe it is because guys have been conditioned to fall for the “Cosmo” woman. I am not talking about diverse, cultural, or city-girls; I am talking about the girls fervently listening to the advice of society to attract the opposite sex. According to Cosmopolitan, “showing the neck and shoulders, using a drink as a seduction prop, and subtly showing off your lower half,” will help attract the “hot guys like crazy.” Girls actually listen to this advice—at least the girls at Fever—and, WHAM, a once nice and genuine guy is caught in a spider-web created by the love-thirsty, insecure, slave of social media.
So, girls I am asking that we set a standard for men to strive to reach. We want love. We want companionship. However, we continually give in to the societal norms presented as “popular” or “sexy.” When we are going out we have a few thoughts in mind: guys will buy us drinks, guys will approach us, we must play hard to get in order to draw his attention and a lot of makeup is the best way to do so. Oh, and lets not forget the icing on top—the exhilarating flirting that usually ends in a proposition to have sex.
Yes, the New York Times defines our millennial as the “hookup culture.” These sexual hookups provide the allure of sex without strings attached. With an increasing social acceptability, these commitment-free, alcohol-fueled relationships are defining the fulfilled “college experience.” And we—girls—are giving in to the elegant “sup” text. How can we, then, be so critical of men and their complete lack of courtship when we are degrading our own sexuality? The biopsychosocial phenomenon of uncommitted sex is resulting in attitudes ranging from embarrassment, emotional difficulties, loss of respect, and prejudice. This kaleidoscope of reactions is the “college experience.” Women who were once hopeless romantics have now become enslaved by the 21st century’s depiction of reality and expectation. It should then be no surprise that men had stronger feelings of being “sorry because they felt they used another person,” whereas women had stronger feelings of “regret because they felt used,” after a college hookup. Yet, time and time again, we fall into the same trap.
I am suggesting that we establish and live by a different standard than the popular, sex-driven model mass-promoted and force-fed in social media. Ladies, let’s diverge from this hookup culture. Let’s be revolutionaries and confront social media’s attack on women. We are beautiful, each differently. When at O’Rourkes, in Jordan’s giant lecture hall, or getting a coffee in Waddicks, remember to set a standard. If we radiate elegance, wittiness, and kindness, our confidence will blossom. By doing this, men will be blown away by our acts of rebellion against “cosmo” beauty and attraction. I ask, no, I beg you to dare to be different; be unique; be yourself, and that is lovely.