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Awkward Encounters: Short, but Stinging

I had a one night stand once, thought I’d never see him again, and then a week later he added me on LinkedIn.

In high school, I dated a part-time DJ, part-time promoter.

A very attractive man sat in front of me at Easter mass. I sneezed and a giant glob of snot landed on his suit. I gently wiped his back, but he turned around and said, “Umm…please stop rubbing me?”

In high school, I hooked up with my longtime crush during fourth period in his car. When I got out of the car, tucking my shirt and fixing my hair, his mom was standing there, open mouthedly staring at me. He’d forgotten his track uniform and she came to drop it off. She saw his car with the window steamed up and thought maybe he was hanging out in there after class, and before his meet.

I made a romantic dinner for my boyfriend once. We both got food poisoning.

I went home for fall break, and this guy from high school asked me to go to the movies. We got ice cream afterward. Then we went to this really cool park with a view of the whole town and all the lights. Then he drove me home, and walked me to the door. And we had a beautiful, spectacular, wonderful kiss on my door step. Then we broke apart and realized my dad was standing there. He’d seen the car lights, thought I was home, opened the door and caught the whole kiss. He said, “Get off my stoop, kid.”

My dad went through a running phase when I was in middle school, every morning at 6 a.m. he ran a couple miles. One day when I was 12, I woke up early and went with him. Just as we were starting to run he turned to me and said “You should probably start going to a gynecologist soon, huh?” The whole time we ran, all I could think was, “What’s a gynecologist?”

I let a muscular long haired boy take me home from Fever. He didn’t talk much, but he listened and stared at me with big green-blue eyes. It wasn’t till we were naked when I realized he was Tarzan, pawing at my body like a dog transfixed by a dead rabbit.

I was walking down the hallway in high school when I saw my ancient AP history teacher up ahead of me. It was just the two of us in the hallway, so I prepared myself to say hello. Just as he got close, and I opened my mouth, my left eye spontaneously twitched. He looked at me strangely. I gasped and realized he thought I’d winked at him. Now he was already past, what could I do, how could I explain? I grabbed my eye suddenly and shouted, “Oh wow, my eye hurts so much!” I looked to see if he’d noticed. He kept walking down the hall shaking his head.

 

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Joan Darc is one of our lady's ladies. She's a bi-monthly columnist for HCND, writing her "Awkward Encounters with Men" shamelessly from her south quad dorm room in the hopes of empowering our school's fairer sex.
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