Yes, I have returned from Germany. But after experiencing some of the greatest memories of my life, I now must deal with the consequences of such an amazing month. The worst? Jetlag. (Surprise!) Since I have yet to master the art of sleeping sitting up in an incredibly uncomfortable small space with freezing air blasting at my face and a small child turning the back of my seat into a sophisticated drum set, the flight home was an interesting one. After almost 24 hours of travel (the flight was of course delayed), I arrived to be greeted with open arms by my dear father. “Cookie!” I cried out as I hugged him. That is when you know that sleep is more necessary than oxygen. I had just referred to my dad by my dog’s name. And trust me, they barely look anything alike. So, to help you avoid these scenarios, here are a few genius remedies to wake you up when jetlag’s got you down:
1. Drink 3 cups of coffee while simultaneously doing lunges. This is best done with iced coffee in case of spills and to maximize coffee enjoyment.
2. Watch the Blackhawks game while sitting in an ice bath.
3. Make brownies with ten times the sugar called for on the box. That is, if you can wait an hour for the brownies to bake. Because, my God, waiting.
4. Call your ex-boyfriend(s) and start a fight. I suggest fighting over something simple, such as a favorite food, since your mind will not be alert and ready for any complicated subjects.
5. Watch the end of season 3 episode 9 of Game of Thrones repeatedly. It will make you so angry that you will be alert and ready for the rest of your day.
6. Teach yourself how to do the splits, but give yourself an incredibly small amount of time to reach success (perhaps 10-12 minutes). This is only for those who have no previous dance or gymnastics experience.
7. Play drinking games with your friends, but cheat and fill your cups with Red Bull instead of beer. This is especially excellent for those who cannot legally drink. Not doing the trick? Add 2 spoonfuls of sugar to each cup.
8. Watch an action movie (I suggest “Crank”) with your nose one foot away from the television screen.
9. Tell your older stronger sibling that he/she is looking “incredibly fat today.” This will result in a wonderful punch that will surely bring you straight to your senses.
10. If all these other suggestions fail, participate in a hot sauce eating contest. Only quitters leave any wasabi behind.
Best of luck!