Twenty years ago, a PDA was the hottest new technology. PalmPilots were the best gift you could give, moving contacts from Rolodex to digitized form and events from planners pages to portable sheets. If your mom didn’t have one, a PalmPilot was like a very chunky, ugly handheld black and white screen with 1/1000 the capabilities of your new iPad. Now, the kind of PDA we all know best is something that’s gone digital too.
Let this treatise be prefaced with a statement of inspiration from HC’s Real Live College Guy’s work on sexting. Profound, really. But moreover, it’sspring that brings out the PDA. I counted 6 couples on my way to the libes the other day. Seriously. Between the six, eight hands were being held while four were around shoulders and waists. They collected a total of seven forehead kisses, three cheek pecks, one butt grab, and two full-on makeouts. I almost smiled, but I was busy gagging. There’s cute on one side and keep it in your pants on the other side.
Point being: what’s considered cute and what’s considered vom online? Let’s examine a few behaviors of the college mating wildlife.
FacebookRelationship Status
Are you obligated to have “In a Relationship” on Facebook within 15 minutes of officially dating? What if “It’s Complicated”? Or you know what’s up but everyone else thinks it’s complicated? What if you’re both married to other people on the FB? Is your real-life relationship actually cheating on your online marriage? Oh wait, you aren’t really married to your best friend from camp? Is your relationship not legit unless is FBO? Or are you using the online link to hold things together and put up a web facade? Hmmm.Endless questions. Too many, I think. Just leave it off Facebook altogether – it’s most important that you and your significant other know what’s up – not that you keep everyone else in the know. What’s next? Jane has just gone home with John to get busy after a crazy night @The Keg of Evanston.TMI. Narrate your life in your head, not on a keyboard.
Also, when you break up, which will likely happen to the vast majority of current college sweethearts, how awkward is that one guy’s “:-( I’m here if you want to talk” comment?Seriously lame and uncomfortable, dude. If your friend wanted to talk to you about it, they’ll call. I hope.
Your Wall-to-Wall
If you have to be all up in my newsfeed, don’t be mushygushy. Show us that you’re friends. Who do normal friend things at normal friend amounts. Share some links, add the occasional comment, delete drunk posts within 24 hours. But really, if you’re facebooking back and forth that much, we’re all wondering how much more you’re talking offline. Generally, I don’t want to be wondering at all. If you are getting to be too much, I have no qualms in permanently hiding you from my newsfeed. I don’t want to be a virtual third wheel with a window into your relationship. Don’t provide me with one.
Your statuses, tweets, and gchat updates
Stop. Please. It’s clogging my feeds and hurting my eyes. I get it. You really like each other. To the moon and back, forever and ever, one and only, la-la-la-love. Keep it to yourselves. Your mindless webchatter and unwitty banter is taking up much more bandwidth than it deserves. Give me a stupid YouTube video featuring cute baby animals to watch instead.
This is probably more of a Stef Sounds Off! than Stef on Sex, but the bottom line is your online romance should mirror your sex life – keep it between the two of you, preferably off of my computer screen and out of line of sight (and the periphery as well, please and thanks).
What I’ve learned this week from a combination of an essay on nutjob artiste Frida Kahlo and talking to lots of prospies for Wildcat Days is the best things in life are all about striking a balance. Too much of anything is not a good thing and neither is too little.
So draw your socially-acceptable, middle-ground line and walk on it, try not to tip to too all-up-in-my-grill with your romance but let me know that love exists. I am a political moderate and apparently a romance moderate as well.
Countdown.8 hands held. 7 forehead kisses. 6ish more weeks of the quarter. 5 new summer dresses to wear. 4 more Stef on Sex’s (till Stef on Sex in Spain!). 3 days of Dillo Weekend coming up. 2 kids make a potentially adorable relationship. 1 awesome you.