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J.P. Bowgen
Mike Mallazzo
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You come home from a party with a girl. Both of you aren’t in your right minds—drunk, to be exact. What happens after this one-night stand? What happens when you wake up the next morning hung-over next to the girl you brought back? If you’re lucky, she’ll collect her things and leave without too much conversation. A hangover and an awkward talk just aren’t appealing.
After that, when you do recover, prepare to get laughed at. If you were drunk enough to make it public the night before, then you’ll surely hear a few snide remarks from your friends. Take them casually, because bad decisions are made worse when you can’t take a joke. Learn to laugh at yourself. People will enjoy your company even more when you laugh with them about something stupid you’ve done. Believe it or not, it’s a great way to bond.
But that doesn’t resolve the issue at hand. No matter how big your college campus, odds are that you’ll run into your drunken hookup again. And since Northwestern’s social scene isn’t the biggest, I can confidently say that you will definitely run into your hookup at some point. The odds are even greater if you’re in a fraternity or sorority.
My advice: do not be awkward. That makes your second encounter unbearable. You only hurt yourself by acting less than sociable. If you react badly, your hookup will undoubtedly tell her friends about you. You do not want that reputation. Rumors are everyone’s worst enemy and in college, your reputation is the one thing you want to conserve. The smallest act—awkwardness—can quickly evolve into an encounter filled with false details. It’s like a game of telephone: the story spreads with extraneous information.
So instead, take things light heartedly and joke about it if you can. It’s a surprisingly good way to converse and flirt—using past bad decisions. You’ll quickly make a friend out of it if that’s what you’re looking for.
Don’t avoid the situation either unless you want to look like a jerk. Girls are more sensitive to situations that involve bad decisions and if you’re not willing to approach it, you will only alienate yourself to her and much of the female community. Girls appreciate openness, even if that involves some light humor.
And realistically, if it’s happened once before, it’s bound to happen again. So get used to dealing with post-hookup encounters. Four years is a long time to practice.
Go to the next page for Mike’s bro blog!
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Hola Senroitas,
For the first time in my career as a bro blogger, I write to you with great trepidation on my fingertips. This week’s topic is how to handle that awkward moment when you run into last night’s drunken hookup on Sheridan, in physics class, on line at Searle or in any other public place. Unfortunately, since I have been dating my girlfriend for over a year, this topic is tailor made to put me squarely in the doghouse which is a place I try to avoid. Therefore I will not self-incriminate and anything I write is merely hypothetical and should be taken as such so that I’m not moving in with Hank Williams.
OK I lied. Since I’ve already come to terms with the fact that I’ll be spending a good deal of time in purgatory, I’ll tell one personal tale. When my girlfriend and I first got together, there were two weekends where we got together at a party on Saturday night and then saw each other again in mass on Sunday. Though I doubt you will have the same (mis)fortune, this is a small campus so you will run into your weekend dance partner and you should probably come to terms with the fact that he probably won’t look as good as he did with your vodka goggles on. However awkward it may be, there is a professional way to handle these situations so that the right impression is given without sending a poor guy crying home to mommy.
First and foremost, if you remember what your Keg boy toy looked like, please don’t pretend that you don’t know him. As much as we hate to admit it, we have feelings too so just be a little considerate. If you genuinely don’t remember any of your night or exactly who Jose Cuervo convinced you was Mr. Right for the evening, just file that one in your hall of shame and soldier on. Assuming you do remember you knight in wine-cooler induced shining armor but aren’t interested in becoming his lass, respectfully come off as disinterested. We’ll generally get it and put you in our mental trophy case and move on without any resemblance of hard feelings.
If the guy just doesn’t get it but you still don’t want to be rude, I propose a drastic solution. Act semi-interested but come off as completely undesirable. Meet him right after going to the gym wearing your ex-boyfriend’s hoodie. Read all of my previous bro blogs and do the exact opposite of all my advice and he’ll be sure to be moving on. It’s not the ideal answer but in this rare instance, the ends do justify the means
Who knows, maybe your Keg hookup will turn out to be Dan Persa. It’s not like too many Northwestern girls actually know what he looks like anyway without a facemask and a number 7 across his chest. But if he turns out to just be quarterback of his EDC group, don’t fear seeing him again. Simply remember the manners you learned way back when boys still cooties and everything will work out fine.
Looks like Fido can keep his home,
Mike