2024 is the year of many things: Reneé Rapp, movie musicals and, as always, it’s another year to be a girl’s girl. As I embark on my final semester of college, I can proudly say I’ve realized the importance of surrounding oneself with a supportive group of women. Whether it’s tea time, cry sessions, study dates or nights out, it’s important for friends to uplift and be there for one another. So, if you’re trying to figure out what being a girl’s girl means, look no further than this guide based on my personal experiences.
- Watch out for one another when going out
Whether you are at a club, bar, party or just going out, it is key to pay attention to your friends. Even if you are making out with someone or busy mingling, it is still necessary to ensure your friends are safe and comfortable in your environment.
One rule I like to follow: if my friend wants to leave at any point, I leave with them. Do not make excuses as to why you should stay or pressure them if they are uncomfortable. If your friend wants to leave, you should go with them and make sure they get home or to wherever their next destination is safely.
In addition, do not leave your friends alone at the club. If you are with a group and you leave without telling others, it might result in some dangerous situations, such as being very drunk or creepily followed. On top of that, they have the added disappointment of their friend ditching them. Friends don’t leave friends at the club or parties; friends make sure one another are okay. It doesn’t mean you have to only look at your friends the entire time, but knowing where they are, being in the same area as they are and being generally alert is crucial. In addition, if it seems like your friend might be too drunk and not feeling well, it is important to check in and make sure they are okay.
Beyond this, you can be a girl’s girl to girls who aren’t your friends. If you see a girl, or anyone for that matter, who looks like they might be in trouble or in an uncomfortable situation, it never hurts to check in and see if they are okay. There have been times where I stepped in and got girls out of dangerous situations and vice versa. Usually, it involves a “Oh my goodness, it’s been so long since I’ve seen you,” or something to insinuate that you know the person; once you have their attention, just check in to see if they’re alright. It does not matter if you have known someone for two seconds or two years, it’s critical to help anyone who seems like they are in an uncomfortable situation and make sure they are safe.
On the flip side, if a girl approaches you and pretends to know you and says something like “I haven’t seen you in forever!” just go along with it because it could be her way of leaving an uncomfortable situation. One time this one boy would not leave me alone to the point where I was growing very frustrated, and I saw a group of girls. Instantly, we locked eyes and I said “Oh my goodness it’s so insane to see you guys again” and got up and went over to them. They played along and then we moved somewhere more private, and I explained the whole situation. They were very understanding. Don’t be snooty or rude if a girl is acting like she’s known you forever when you have never met. It may not be a laughing matter, but a time to come together and be there for a fellow woman.
Also, if your friend is going on a first date, it is important to be alert. Have your phone near you and ready in case something happens or they need a quick escape. It is important to share your location with close friends just to be safe and it’s worth it to check in just a simple “hey” just to make sure everything is going smoothly.
- Be there through the good and bad
Being a girl’s girl and a good friend means that you’re there to listen, support and validate. I’m sure many of us can relate to having friends that only want to be there for the fun moments, but might hide away when things get tough. While there is obviously an extent to this and boundaries that need to be respected, friends are supposed to be there whether you are thriving or in the trenches. Your friendships should not rely completely on you being the fun, bubbly friend all the time. Instead, these connections should allow you to express whatever emotions you may be feeling. Good friends will be validating and make you feel less alone. Whether a friend is going through a breakup or facing family hardships, it’s important to be present and proactive in listening to your friend and being there for them. Also, don’t give advice unless asked for it. A lot of times people just want to be heard.
Being a girl also means keeping your friends’ business to yourself. There are times when friends share something personal in confidence and it’s not something to gossip about.
- Respect Girl Code.
Girl code comes in many shapes and forms. This may sound self explanatory but if someone is with another person in any romantic context, and perhaps you like one of the people involved, do not go out of your way to sabotage the relationship. This is self explanatory but it’s a crucial reminder to not put a girl down, or anyone down for that matter, in order to impress someone. For instance, I had a little fling with a guy, and this girl who also liked him called him over to sit with her and her friends. So, he brought me with him and she said to him, in front of me, “You really want to be with her? Like do you actually like her?” Essentially, she continued to bash me while he sat in silence. Safe to say I never spoke to him again. However, even with him not sticking up for me, what hurt me most about this interaction was another girl betraying me. As women it is essential that we stick together and empower one another, and it absolutely bewildered me that someone was willing to put me down to impress a man.
Girl code means so much more than just this, though. It also applies to not going after a friend’s ex, crush or even someone they are “just” into. One time, for example, a girl really liked this guy she met at the bar, and was telling me all about it while we were there. The guy then began to hang out with our group and ended up flirting with me. Not a second went by before I friend-zoned him and shut it down; not because I didn’t think he was cute, but because I have been there before. I have been in the position where someone I was into was pursuing one of my friends, and I could remember the inevitable crushing pain. Not everyone is going to like you, but sometimes it still hurts. Generally, following girl code means that you put the girlies first.
One time a guy was particularly rude to me over text message, and he ended up being in our group one night. I remember walking into the pre-drinks and pulling my best friend aside to tell her what had happened. Later on, the guy kept flirting with her and she kept blatantly rejecting him, despite her finding him cute. Later on, when we were talking about the night, she laughed and said: “He really thought he could treat you terribly, and I would be okay with that. Nope.”
It was then I realized the extent to which my friends put my feelings first. It’s about the principle of respect and understanding that if someone wronged your friend and they were or are hurt, it should represent a line they also crossed with you. No significant other, club makeout or person you are trying to impress is worth it if they deeply hurt your friend and caused them pain.
- Friends don’t get with friends’ ex’s
This sounds pretty obvious, but one of the fundamental rules of girl code is not getting romantically involved with a friend’s ex. Whether they were dating for two years, two weeks or were just casually seeing one another, you just do not get involved with someone your friend has a past with. It could hurt them and is honestly disrespectful. For instance, my best friend had a quick fling of sorts with this person whom I was also into initially, but had kept the crush to myself. Recently, the person tried to reach out in a flirty manner which was an automatic no-no for me. Despite how I felt about this person initially and while I still find them cute, loyalty obviously comes first, as it always should.
- Cheer on your friend’s successes
Friends are supposed to root for one another, and be their biggest cheerleaders. For instance, some friends of mine put out songs, and you already know those will be on my Instagram stories and sprinkled into conversation constantly. There are so many ways to be there to boost your friend up. For instance, if they are on any sort of sports team, show up to the games and cheer them on. Or it could involve being present at a talk they are giving, a concert, a poetry reading, a showcase— whatever it is, it is important to be there as their number one fan.
- Don’t ditch your friend for a significant other
Getting into a new relationship is very exciting and, of course, you want to spend a lot of time with your significant other. With that being said, it is still important to spend quality time with your girlies. I have had friends in the past not spend time with me unless their significant others were at work, so the limited time we did spend together was brief and dependent on the s/o’s schedule. This made me feel like our time was just time she was trying to pass while waiting for her s/o. This put a strain on our friendship as I realized I wasn’t valued and couldn’t rely on her to be a good friend. However, my current friends with s/o’s go out of their way to make sure we spend quality time together; they prioritize both their relationship and friendships. Spending quality time with a romantic partner is important, but spending quality time with friends is just as crucial.