Picture this — you just got invited to a Super Bowl party. What an exciting, joyous occasion to spend a Sunday, like no other, with your friends, acquaintances and lots of buffalo chicken dip. You don’t think much of it, but there is only one problem; not only do you not know what football is, but you don’t know where to start.
Do not panic. Let me be your guide, so you can fool your friends into believing that you are in tune with this sport after all. After reading this, you better clear your Thursday and Sunday nights because you might as well just join the league. As they say in the NFL, “let’s go get that football.”
- Choosing your Team
There are 32 teams in the league. That is a lot to choose from when finding the one to root for. Thankfully, at this point, there are only two left which makes it a lot easier. Do your research, memorize their mascots. Whichever one you like better is now your team, and no one can take that away from you unless you don’t like their colors. In that case, you’re better off choosing the other one since those are the colors you will likely plan your outfit around. If you’re still lost, this year you can let your feelings toward Taylor Swift determine your team.
- Team Banter
Great, you have your desired team and colors to wear for the occasion. The work is not done yet. This professional, competitive sport has a strong fan base that’s well educated on their desired team and more. In order to be ready for further questioning, you might have to write down some players’ names on your arm. You don’t even need to know what their position is. Just describe their athletic potential and call it a day.
- Football Terms
Once the game begins, you may feel at a loss. Whistling, name calling, commotion all around. In order to fit in, it won’t hurt to let out the occasional vocabulary word every once in a while.
Fumble: Use this when the ball drops somewhere.
Interception: When the ball gets stolen from your team or vice versa.
Touchdown: That’s a point or six points; honestly, I forget.
- Cheering (When to? When not to?)
When your team scores a touchdown, that is worth a celebration. Thankfully, the screen will tell you when this happens. My favorite celebration is to exclaim, “Huzzah,” and pump my fist one time in the air. It is very common, and you will blend right in.
If the other team scores a touchdown or is close to one, that is not the time to cheer. The broadcast of a football game tends to show the same touchdown over and over; this is called a “replay.” Remember to cheer only the first time a touchdown is shown.
- Disappointment
As mentioned before, when the “other team” is close to scoring, this is a time for distress. The most basic way is to stand. Drop everything, stare into the middle distance and stand like your life depends on it. The next step is to put your hands behind your head and intertwine your fingers. Letting out the occasional sigh or groan locks in this intense feeling of disappointment. This simple motion guarantees that you are officially locked into the game.
- Outcomes
Congratulations, you did it! Even if your team lost, you still won by making it this far. Now, you are prepared to do this all again next year!