The truth no one tells you about studying abroad is how difficult it is to return home. Last semester, I studied abroad in Rome, Italy. Before I went, I had no idea what to expect. My last few days in America, I impulsively downloaded Duolingo as a feeble attempt to learn Italian. Besides picking up a few phrases like “Buongiorno” (Good morning) and “Buonasera” (Good evening), I settled on the plan of figuring it out as I went.
While abroad, I took an intercultural communications course at the university. The first week, we discussed culture shock and some hardships we may encounter while assimilating into Italian society. My adaptation was rather smooth, partially because I made such strong friendships and partially because I’d always dreamed of living in Europe.
I still experienced those “I can’t do this” moments, most notably the first time I went to the local grocery store alone. When the products you’re so acclimated to from home aren’t readily accessible on the shelves and the layout of the store is not what you’re used to, grocery shopping can be a challenge. Then, add the extra layer of everything being in Italian, and things get more intense. The walk home from the grocery store that warm September day was a memorable one, considering the honking and yelling out of car windows occurring while I was sweating and balancing bags on my arms.
Yet, I adapted. Every day, I loved my surroundings a little more and found new ways to make Rome my home. Add in traveling to other European countries almost every weekend, and my life was a complete dream.
Oftentimes, when we experience something so life-changing, it is not until after the fact that the impact of the experience truly sinks in. This is perfectly captured by the phenomenon of reverse culture shock which was introduced by my intercultural communications professor on the last day of class. Re-entry, also known as reverse culture shock, is made up of four stages.
- Honeymoon Phase
The beloved honeymoon phase. At the end of a study abroad semester, there is often a desire to return home and embrace the comforts you could not have during the experience. Back to American iced coffee, food franchises that don’t exist in Italy like Chipotle and Chick Fil A, and the simple idea of English being the common language.
- Shock Phase
Then comes the shock phase. In other words, a “Wait… why isn’t this as I remember it?” There is a notorious vague, disoriented or frustrated feeling as coming home does not align with what you expected. Boredom and insecurity set in as you miss the habits and routines you established during your time abroad. Disdain for things of your home culture serve as a key element in the shock phase, leading you to view America in a different light after adapting to, for example, European culture.
Even explaining your time abroad seems impossible as you struggle to come up with words to effectively communicate the sites you’ve seen and people you encountered. This trouble to explain things coherently hits a point of exasperation as you eventually settle on giving up.
- Alienation
Unfortunately, the third phase pulls you apart from those you were the most excited to return home to. You had an experience they did not have, and explaining it to them may come across as a sore point at times. They may notice changes in you as your independence and individuality has exponentially increased while abroad. Your personality was shaped by the new people you met and the new places you traveled to. None of this is a negative thing, but it may be seen as such at times by home friends or family.
- Coping
Last comes the coping stage. In other words, this is life now; accept it.
It is completely normal to long for your time abroad and miss your favorite restaurants and hang out spots. Wallowing is normal as well but must get better with time. Part of me will always miss living in Italy, but the experiences I had then have shaped who I am in the present.
Keeping a sense of humor and staying in touch with those who you shared the study abroad experience with are two ways to move forward more seamlessly.
A few more pieces of advice…
- Remember who you are. Life will naturally be different now, but that’s okay. It doesn’t mean you have to suppress the person you are and the things you learned while abroad.
- Find ways to bring elements of your abroad experience into your current situation. Whether that’s reading about the current events of your abroad country or listening to its music, it can help you feel comforted while adapting to a different place.
- Balance. Don’t push yourself too hard. Give yourself ample time to settle back into your home culture. See your friends and have fun, but know when to take chill time for yourself. Becoming too overwhelmed will not do you justice in the long run.
Bittersweet feelings can be some of the heaviest. I look back on my time abroad with loving memories while also knowing I can never return to a time so simple and care-free. However, the only way to effectively move forward is recollecting those amazing moments and utilizing them to inspire new possibilities back home. Studying abroad is a truly remarkable thing, and the shock factors of coming back home are manageable as long as you are patient and take time to adjust.