In many of our favorite TV shows, relationships often take center stage with tropes ranging from the beloved ‘enemies to lovers,’ the whimsical ‘friendships to lovers, and of course, we can’t forget about the ‘meet cutes.’ We often turn to TV for reasons such as escaping our real lives, living vicariously through characters or enjoying the drama of fictional characters. Whatever the reason, around 5.4 billion people, including myself, watch TV, and most TV shows incorporate romantic content in some capacity. We often watch relationships unfold as we sit with our popcorn and binge-watch Hulu’s newest hit. As we watch these relationships develop, we might want to mimic what we see on TV.
Unfortunately, domestic violence and abusive behaviors are too often overlooked on television shows. Consequently, toxic, unhealthy and damaging relationships are romanticized. Thus, we must learn to identify and understand these unhealthy relationships.
Four examples of Unhealthy and Healthy TV relationships:
*Spoiler warning for many of these shows*
Trigger Warning: Mentions of domestic violence and sexual violence
Unhealthy Relationship #1:
Chuck and Blair from “Gossip Girl”
Growing up, it was hard not to be sucked into the will-they won’t-they ups and downs of Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf’s relationship. I am guilty of it as well as I remember moments where I would remain gripped to my TV, wishing someone loved me as much as Chuck loved Blair. But, if we really break it down, this relationship was unhealthy and involved domestic violence. When Blair was in her relationship with Prince Louis, Chuck was unhappy and ended up grabbing her (physical violence) after she expressed that she didn’t want him (setting a necessary boundary) and threw her to the ground, forcibly got on top of her (sexual violence), and after she cried begging for him to stop, he violently punched a wall behind her (physical violence).
Further, Chuck was essentially selling Blair (as if she were property) to his creepy uncle Jack for one night in exchange for ownership of a hotel. This is an example of commercial sexual exploitation of a person, and in this case, Chuck Bass was a trafficker. It is all too common in abusive relationships for abusers to force victims to partake in prostitution through the use of manipulative tactics and often force or threats.
Healthy Relationship #1:
Jake and Amy from “Brooklyn 99”
Jake and Amy are incredibly communicative and supportive of one another. For example, when Amy was nervous before taking her sergeant’s exam, Jake continued to encourage her even though it meant Amy would become his boss. Jake never felt intimidated or insecure about his wife’s career ambitions and instead encouraged her to be her best. Amy created a safe space for Jake to be open and vulnerable about his childhood traumas, and Jake created an environment for Amy to be honest about her experiences facing sexual violence. They comfort and support one another through whatever it is they are facing. Amy and Jake prove that relationships full of understanding, trust, open communication and encouragement are the most fun.
Unhealthy Relationship #2
Damon and Elena from “The Vampire Diaries”
First and foremost, I could see how it’s possible to fall into the trance of the Vampire bad boy, Damon Salvatore, letting down his guard and being gentle with the show’s protagonist Elena Gilbert. However, this does not negate that Damon would constantly spiral and kill numerous people, and somehow, Elena would find ways to defend him. Nor does it take away from the fact that Damon used his powers of compulsion to force Elena’s best friend, Caroline Forbes, into having sex with him, which is clearly sexual assault. Damon is also constantly leaning on Elena to act as his moral compass, putting pressure on her to behave in a specific way to keep Damon in check. Damon would also use his compulsion power to coerce Elena into doing things like kissing him, which is abuse. Damon also used this power to tell Elena that she should not be able to make decisions anymore, a classic example of controlling abusive behavior. Damon is incessantly violent towards Elena, and Elena is entranced by her unwavering love for him. This displays the influence that domestic abusers can have on victims and why it is not always easy to leave.
Healthy Relationship #2
David and Patrick from “Schitt’s Creek”
We love a friendship-to-lovers trope especially when it’s as cute and precious as David and Patrick from “Schitt’s Creek.” They communicate effectively through high and low moments and give each other time and space when needed. For instance, David is supportive and kind to Patrick as he navigates coming out to his parents. Additionally, they continually accept one another for their past mistakes and work to not judge one another. They practice gift-giving and are thoughtful in what they give to one another. They also root for one another’s successes and empower one another to be their best. While no relationship is perfect, the communication, openness and love between them is one for the books.
Unhealthy Relationship #3
Ross and Rachel from “Friends”
I’m just as much of a “Friends” fan as most people, but the toxic and controlling behavior that defines this relationship is ridiculous. Ross has done many harmful things to Rachel, displaying dishonesty, possession and immaturity. For example, Ross has trouble trusting Rachel at work and respecting essential work-life boundaries. He calls her workplace incessantly and even once barges into it, insisting that they have dinner even when Rachel can not. Another time, as many “Friends” fans can recall, after making up on their supposed break, Ross freaks out that Rachel is hanging out with a male work friend, and without even talking to Rachel, he concludes that she is cheating on him. Subsequently, he cheats on her with a woman he meets at a bar. He excuses this by repeatedly declaring, “We were on a break,” refusing to take accountability for his actions and shifting the blame. Another example of Ross’s absurdly controlling and possessive behavior is when Rachel and Ross get drunkenly married in Vegas, and Ross repeatedly lies to Rachel about going through with the annulment because he is so afraid of his ego and being a three-time divorcee. He refuses to divorce someone who does not want to be married to him, essentially forcing her to stay married to him, which is another display of his toxicity.
Healthy Relationship #3
Beth and Randall from “This is Us”
In this heart-wrenching show, Randall and Beth prove through the highs and lows of life that communication, honesty and patience are central to long-lasting, beautiful relationships. In the show, we see Randall and Beth navigate their own ambitions in their career while balancing raising three kids. In addition, when Randall wants to reconnect with his biological parents, Beth and Randall navigate this together. It is not always easy and sometimes gets messy, but with good communication, patience and understanding, Beth and Randall remain firm and in love. They continue to be supportive partners and parents to their three girls.