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Sex + Relationships

So You’re Going Through a Breakup? It Happens to the Best of Us.

When I say us, I am heavily including myself in that number. I went through a break up three months ago. I will spare you all the gory details, but let’s just say that I got my heart broken. We’re talking crying on the bedroom floor, screaming in my car, sick to my stomach with gut wrenching emotions. My world got turned upside down. Nothing was as I thought it was. She was not who I thought she was, and now, there is nothing between us.  

In every way, I wasn’t okay. I felt betrayed, confused, angry, and so unsure of the relationship that I spent the better part of a year in. Mostly, I was mad at myself for giving her all I had to give and still not being enough. I wished I hadn’t fallen for her. Some days, I wished I had never met her. Thankfully, I have gained perspective in the last few months. I know now that it wasn’t my fault, and blaming myself for trusting my gut and following my heart will forever be unproductive and unfair to myself.

While some breakups are group projects, most our solo pursuits with an unfortunate peer reviewer. No matter how or why it ended, breakups tend to be hard for all parties involved. When two people (or more) decide to be in a relationship, they take on a certain romantic — and often sexual — responsibility to each other. In short, they make a commitment, and as the relationship progresses, that commitment becomes tied to so many facets of one’s life. They meet your friends. They learn your favorite songs. You eat and drink with them. You talk. You talk about everything — maybe even things that you haven’t talked to anyone else about. Your lives become entangled. Then you breakup, so that commitment begins to dissolve along with the life you created together. That can be incredibly traumatic. 

I am going to say it again because I think it is so important to remember: breakups can be trauma. They can change you and wound you. They can hurt you on a level deep within your conscious and subconscious existence, and there is no correct way to recover from that. There is no guidebook on how to heal and move on, so whatever you are going through and feeling right now is valid. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since the end of the relationship or if you’re not ready to date again. It doesn’t matter if you’re still crying about it or if you have no idea how to move on. Sometimes, all that matters is that you survive and give yourself time to heal. It’s okay if that process is messy. You got this. You’re doing your best. 

I will say that you might need to distance yourself from things that remind you of them at first. Throw that hoodie they gave you in the back of your closet. Make a playlist of songs that aren’t tainted by their memory. Delete the album of photos of you guys as a happy couple. Archive that post that made you Insta official. You don’t have to make permanent decisions in such an emotional time, but you can and should do your best to seperate yourself from triggers. You don’t need to replay the story of your relationship now that it’s over, and you don’t deserve to be stuck in that world. You deserve to start to move on, even though that can sometimes be more difficult than the actual breakup itself. 

I understand if you miss them or even the person you were before them. I understand if this all feels insurmountable, but I want to make one thing clear: this is not the end of you. This is not the end of you being happy or being able to trust. This is not the end of you loving and being loved. This is just a hard part in the middle of your story. In case you have forgotten, you are infinitely worthy of love. You are not your worst mistakes, intrusive thoughts, or past struggles. You are not your trauma. I know how easy it is to focus on all the bad when you feel like you’re drowning it. Your difficulties can feel like a heavy weight on your shoulders. Your brain becomes a sea of negativity. For me, the phrase “this is too much” was on repeat in my mind, and sometimes it all really is. But recently, I’ve tried to shift that narrative for myself.

My mantra has become: “This is hard, but I am adjusting. I am learning. I am growing. I am healing.” Some days I believe the latter part more than others, but that’s okay because it remains true every day. I have not completely overcome my breakup. As I sit here writing this, I am not healed. I still have much growth to accomplish, but I am choosing myself when I maintain that it will come. Happier days. Easier times. Healthier relationships. All of those things will come for me and for you, so in the meantime, be gentle with yourself. 

You went through so much, but remember, this is not the end for you. You will love again. You will be loved again.

Riley Price

Northeastern '25

Riley Price is a first year student at Northeastern University from New Orleans, Louisiana. She is pursuing a degree in Journalism and English and possesses a deep love for writing personal memoirs and critical essays. She consistently tackles social justice issues in her work to promote a kinder future. Riley is driven by the importance of ethical storytelling in a world riddled with misinformation and hopes to be a voice that stands out amongst the modern day cacophony.
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