For many, the thought of dating has become a foreign concept in this day and age. Traditional dating is out, and situationships are in! But why are they a trend now?
I am sure we have all either been in a situationship or witnessed one. According to Urban Dictionary, this phenomenon can be defined as “less than a relationship, but more than a booty call, a situationship refers to a romantic relationship that is, and will remain, undefined.”
For some, committed romantic relationships are desired, or were once desired. Now, we live in a generation that treats relationships differently. Our generation finds it almost taboo to commit. We want to have the option of freedom with our romantic partners, but sometimes this can become more damaging than fulfilling.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to labels. Society has moved past putting a label on things. This is apparent in many aspects of life, but I am finding it more visible in relationships. I ask myself why this has become the new normal; is it weird to want exclusivity? But most of all, when did something that should be so clear cut, get so confusing?
One of the biggest frustrations when it comes to situationships is they are meant to be casual but often feel like more. We may see this person regularly; we may have sex with them; maybe we text them all the time or go out on dates. We reveal the most vulnerable parts of ourselves for it to end in an: “I am not looking for a relationship.” The desire to pursue a relationship with someone that was once obvious is now laced with ambiguity.
We convince ourselves it is casual because that is the norm, and we don’t want to be seen as too much. We, as women, are commonly shamed especially for wanting “more” in our relationships. So we aspire to be more “chill,” and the question of “what are we” becomes anxiety inducing for many.
Dating app culture has added to this situationship epidemic. We swipe. We match. We go out; we create connections. But does it ever go anywhere else, or are we stuck in the same cycle of possibly yearning for more from someone while shying away from the idea of exclusivity.
As a girl who has been through a situationship myself, I can remember the pit I would always feel in my chest of wanting more but being too afraid to mention anything about it. I remember months on end of becoming vulnerable with another person. What set it apart from a real relationship was how there was no talk about the future. I would try to deny and deny that it would flourish into something. It didn’t matter that we spoke everyday and played the part of a couple for months; he “didn’t want to be in a relationship.”
Situationships have programmed us to shy away from saying how we feel in fear of rejection. We want to be loved and cared for—with that comes commitment. If the person we wish to pursue does not want to commit, oftentimes, it is simply not worth it.