While most people participate in study abroad experiences during the latter half of their college years, I spent my first semester at college abroad in Dublin, Ireland.
I have always—and still do—consider myself an extrovert. But during that first semester of college, I discovered the importance of time spent independently.
During the first few weeks of college, everyone was hyper-social. Between meeting new people, making new friends and trying to remember everyone’s name/major/hometown, those first few weeks were a beautiful and chaotic whirlwind of socialization. Part of me wishes I could go back—meeting all new people each night and never knowing where the night would take us was an experience I look back on fondly, no matter how exhausted I was the next day.
This all took a toll, though, when I found myself physically sick and tired out of my mind after those first few weeks. Before this, I had not really felt homesick since I had been so busy socializing. But the moment I had to stay in my room alone without socialization, it all came crashing down. I was sobbing to my mom on FaceTime, begging her to let me come home.
Homesickness definitely played a role in why I do not look back on my study abroad as fondly as I feel like I should. Watching everyone’s posts on social media made me feel even more like I had FOMO even though I had no energy to go out or travel, and I knew that staying in was going to be the best decision for my mental health. At the end of the day, you should not allow anyone to make you feel guilty about not going out or traveling more when you are only doing what is best for you.
While I struggled with FOMO during my time abroad, comparing my own experience with other peoples’ got me nowhere. At the end of the day, social media is a highlight reel—you don’t see the “real” parts of peoples’ lives on social media. And just because someone else had a great time studying abroad, that should not invalidate anyone else’s negative experiences. I’ve also talked to some people post-study abroad who told me they were also struggling throughout the whole experience, even though it looked like they were having a great time judging by their posts.
A big regret from my study abroad was that I did not actively reach out to people as much as I thought I should have. Everyone is there to make new friends, so you shouldn’t be afraid to reach out to people and say “yes” when people invite you places. At the same time, though, always remember to recharge your social battery, and don’t feel badly about declining invitations if you have to. Part of me still wishes I had talked to more people in Dublin. However, now that I’m in Boston, I’ve been able to meet so many more people and hear about their experiences abroad as well.
Throughout my K-12 years, I always had a friend group. I knew who my people were, and I always had a sense of stability with my friendships. Coming to college, though, I no longer had that stability and felt lost.
Eventually, after many talks with my staff coordinator and my mom, I made peace with the idea of independent time. And now, I will always carry that appreciation for independence with me. To this day, I still don’t really have a“group,” but I have individual friends with whom I love spending time. Honestly, now that I have gotten used to not having a friend group, I am not even sure if I would like to be in one. Without a group, there is so much more freedom to meet more people and build new connections without feeling like you are leaving another group of friends behind.
One day, I met up with my family friend in Dublin. After she left, I thought to myself, “I’ve already made the bus trip out here to the city center, so I might as well stay a little longer and explore.” I walked down Grafton Street, treated myself to a doughnut from the Rolling Donut and walked around St. Stephen’s Green. It might sound dramatic, but this was an eye-opening experience that completely changed my semester of studying abroad. Without my solo trips and discovery of how much I enjoyed solo time, I would not have survived my time away from home. It felt like free therapy; walking around alone in a quiet oasis in the heart of Dublin with my music playing made me realize just how much I had craved independent time.
After that, I vowed to take a solo trip every week. I took myself to Grafton Street and St. Stephen’s Green several times, but I also went to the Dundrum Mall and explored different areas of Dublin such as Blackrock and Dun Laoghaire.
Solo trips were not the only way I spent my time alone; I also found time for activities I loved, like singing. I have always been musical. I took piano and voice lessons when I was younger and played clarinet in my high school marching band. Though I had not played piano in a long time, I realized I wanted to get back into music, so I booked myself a music practice room and sang and played piano for an hour. I did this many times throughout my time in Dublin, and I believe it kept me sane.
Studying abroad is not an easy experience, especially not during your first semester of college. However, if you have the opportunity to do it, I would 100% recommend you go for it; you will grow as a person and learn so much about yourself. Whenever I’m struggling, I remind myself that if I can survive my first semester studying abroad, I can survive anything.