It’s not like we choose for it to be this way. We see a face for a few seconds and read a couple words or sentences. We piece together whether a person is dateable by an exhibit of their one to six “best” photos. That’s all it takes to decide whether or not to swipe right and open up your mind or swipe left, think good riddance and move on to the next.
Welcome to the wide world of online dating. It’s a nightmare and a gem all on its own. It’s not that we dream and yearn for our dating pool to be confined to an iPhone app, but as some say, “it’s the trenches out there.” I truly don’t know how people did it back then, how they met and dated around without the internet to help them. Perhaps relationships worked because the large sea of options wasn’t displayed to them as it is now.
My dad was my mom’s first and only boyfriend. I asked her if she ever regrets not dating around, to which she replied, “It’s not like it was so easy to meet people back then and explore your options.” This could explain how she found her forever person in her first year of university. I, on the other hand, have never had any interest in finding my forever person in college and have enjoyed being single, flirty and thriving. But I still get bored sometimes, and yes, sometimes, I just want attention.
A question I’ve been debating is this: is it really easier to meet people now? For me, it’s yes and no. It truly depends on the quality of the person you are looking for and your location. In some parts of the world, I can giddily delete my dating apps and meet potential love interests in real life. When I lived in Barcelona, I went months without it. I’d meet people at bars, parties, gatherings, the beach and restaurants. Honestly, Barcelona was the gift that kept on giving.
In Barcelona, I was a stranger, completely new to a city, meeting all new people. But, after a few years of university, it’s scary to put yourself out there when it seems like every person is a mutual. And then, you are left back at square one, unsure of who there is left to meet since it seems that everyone is a walking red flag. Anytime I step back into the United States, specifically in Boston, I find it very difficult to meet people.
So, as a hopeless romantic and a fan of attention, I’ve become skilled in the art of dating apps, specifically Tinder and Bumble. “How is it a skill?” you may ask. Well, believe it or not, I take “beware of stranger danger” to the next level. So I employ some investigating before meeting up with someone from the internet. Here are some things that, in my experience, you should be aware of before going on dating apps.
- Become verified and only swipe on verified people.
Being verified on a dating app takes two seconds, and it’s a good way to make sure someone isn’t a catfish. For your own sake, become verified and only swipe right on verified people. That way, you can be 100% sure that the person behind the phone is not a creep pretending to be someone they aren’t. If you are so sure that someone is “the one” despite them being unverified, you better use at least two social media platforms besides Snapchat to verify this. This is just the first precaution to make sure you are not setting yourself up to be on the next episode of Catfish.
- Do not give your Snapchat right away.
There’s this common stereotype of people on dating apps sliding into those messages and saying, “What’s ur snap?” I’d caution against doling your username out right away. Here’s why. Sometimes, someone is either not verified, or they are verified but give strange vibes. They say they don’t have Instagram, only Snapchat, and then add you and start typing in the chat. Newsflash: It’s 2023, and if someone of a dating app age, which is 18 or over, uses Snapchat as their primary form of communication, then it’s a red flag. I wouldn’t say the same if we were back in middle or high school, but we’re adults. I think we can all do a little better than Snapchat.
If you do exchange your Snapchat account with someone, I consider it a red flag if they head straight to the chat. Why don’t they want to show you their face? Obviously, if they send anything inappropriate, block immediately. Also, you are allowed to be judgy if they have a suspiciously low Snapchat score. If Snapchat really is the social media platform they use, they’re 20 years of age, and their snap score is 0-3,000, it is a red flag. That is suspicious, and you might want to block them.
- Google is your friend.
Would I Google a new friend? Absolutely not. But when you are about to meet a stranger on the internet, one that you could possibly be intimate with if you choose to do so, Google is your best friend. I joke that my friends are better investigators than the FBI. Once you’ve met enough creeps on and off the dating apps, going on dates requires a quick trip to Google.
If you don’t have someone’s first and last name, piece their identity together in other ways. LinkedIn is also your friend. Turn on private browsing mode on LinkedIn and find out all the necessary information needed to know that a person is legit.
- Instagram follow.
If you don’t have an Instagram, I get it, but at least in some way, try to be able to view theirs. If they don’t have one, I don’t know what to say, but Instagram is a great tool to find out more about someone. Even better, if you find out you have mutuals and you feel comfortable, I highly urge you to reach out to them. There are people I’ve messaged saying, “Hey! I hope you’re well. I was just wondering how you knew xyz.” The tea I have found is both juicy and disturbing. Stay safe out there, and please do reach out to mutuals. Better to have an awkward convo and stay safe than not have that conversation.
- Ghosting is very common.
As terrible as it is to say, Tinder is full of ghosts that are scarier than those in a haunted house. In reality, people will start texting and then stop, and that’s extremely common in the world of online dating. Even if you meet in real life and seem to hit it off, it’s important to keep in the back of your mind that ghosting is very prevalent; while it’s not fun, honest communication is not always guaranteed. Please do not take it personally if someone ghosts you because it’s on them. It’s hard to truly know someone you found on the internet.
Now that you’ve got my guide to online dating, know that it might not work out entirely how you expect it to. When using dating apps, remain careful and keep your standards extremely high to meet your potential love interest.