Well girls, it’s that time of the year again: Halloween. Or as Cady Heron likes to call it, “the one night a year when a girl can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it.” With midterms just wrapping up and all of the other added stresses of college life accumulating, it’s been difficult to truly enjoy the month of haunted happenings. Instead of carving pumpkins or bobbing for apples, most of us have spent endless hours in the library contemplating whether or not we should drop out of school and become a stripper. But now that’s all behind us, and there are still a few days left to celebrate Halloween the right way. And there’s only way to celebrate Halloween the right way: A HALLOWEEN MOVIE MARATHON
Halloweentown
Talk about a throwback! This hit 1998 Disney Channel Original movie tells the story of three siblings who are whisked away to Halloweentown, a magic place where it’s always Halloween. Perfect right? Once there, they must join together to save their grandmother and the rest of the inhabitants from an evil wizard with a bad haircut. The best part is that you don’t have to rent the movie or download it illegally. Halloweentown, like most other Disney Channel Original movies can be found right on youtube. So grab some popcorn, sit down and relive every moment of your childhood (And yes to answer your question, Zenon is in fact on Youtube too).
Suggestion: Avoid “Return to Halloweentown” like the plague- whoever decided to replace Kimberly J. Brown with Sara Paxton (Aquamarine) was seriously disturbed.
Hocus Pocus
If you like to be a little more spooked but can’t commit to a real horror movie, then this movie is perfect for you! In Hocus Pocus, a young boy accidentally resurrects three witches, and it is up to him and his two friends to put an end to the witches reign of terror once and for all. Hocus Pocus has everything you could ever want from a movie: musical numbers, a talking cat, and Bette Midler. And better yet, it’s the only movie Sarah Jessica Parker has ever done where she doesn’t look like a horse.
Sorority Row
If you like mindless entertainment, slutty girls and D-list celebrity cameos then pick up Sorority Row. A sorority prank goes wrong, which leads to a bloody murder spree-important since the plot doesn’t make sense anyways. The only real reason to watch it is for Audrina Partridge’s acting (You’ll be surprised just how terrible she actually is) But don’t worry- girl is sliced and diced within the first six minutes of the movie.
One of the sorority girls in the movie is played by Margo Harshman AKA Tawny Dean from “Even Stevens”- the shotgun-wielding house mother is also played by Carrie Fisher, most known for her role as Princess Leia in Star Wars.
Human Centipede
If you feel like never getting a decent night of sleep again for the rest of your life, then watch Human Centipede. The movie tells the horrific tale of a mad scientist who tries to create a human centipede by sewing people together mouth-to-anus. Yes, that’s actually the plot.
Suggestion: If your significant other asks you to watch this movie with them you should reevaluate your relationship.
The Horror Trifecta
If you’re going to be partaking in a horror movie marathon, there are three movies that you are obligated to watch: Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th and Halloween. Extra points for watching ALL of the sequels to these movies … and trust me there are plenty. All three movies tell roughly the same story about a killer who spends his free time slicing and dicing slutty teenagers. If there’s a recurring theme in these movies it’s “if you have a sex, you will die. And you will probably die naked.” If only that were true in real life, then I would be able to get a decent night of sleep without being awoken by drunk girls yelling “YOLO”.