Everyone has gone through a friendship breakup once in their life. Often, it can happen over stupid things; other times, it can be about something deeper. People always say friendship breakups are worse than partner breakups. In a sense, this is true. Your friend was your partner outside of your romantic relationships, and adjusting to life can be challenging once you separate yourself from them. Here are three tips from personal experience to help ease your mind following a friendship breakup, so you can grow separately (and potentially even come back to each other.)
The first one is pretty simple. As hard as it can be, do not be petty. In today’s day and age with social media, we often feel that in order to express our emotions, we must make them publicly known. If there is one thing I have learned, going out of your way to post something for a specific person to see just makes you worse off. You end up hyper-fixating on whatever you share whether it’s music lyrics or a photo that holds meaning to both individuals. Instead of focusing on whether the other person has seen something you have posted, you should be focusing on yourself. This piece of advice applies to breakups with romantic partners as well.
My second tip is to avoid blaming yourself. Friendship breakups happen all of the time. Sometimes, they need to occur so you can reunite later on and strengthen the relationship. Other times, they take place because you are better off without that relationship as painful as that may be. In the past, I have often found myself taking the blame for friendship breakups, leading to incessant thinking about what I could or should have done differently. Instead, it can be helpful to think about what you might do differently in the future. Friendship breakups serve as learning opportunities, chances to reflect on what happened and how to move forward in future friendships. Usually, a friendship breakup is a collective effort; both sides have something they are unhappy about, so they feel like they need space. So no matter how hard it is, try your best not to blame yourself alone for the situation not working out.
The third tip, and the most important tip, is to remember that you are not alone. As I previously mentioned, everyone has experienced the loss of a friend at one point. Social media does a great job of making it seem like everyone has a perfect life filled with many friends. But the truth is, you have no idea if the person sharing that content is also going through the loss of a friendship. When you mourn the loss of the relationship, it is perfectly normal to deeply feel every emotion surrounding it.
The only thing that will allow you to heal and move forward is 1.) embracing your emotions and 2.) time. It may be cliche, but those two things helped me to move on from my friendship breakup.
A friendship breakup is not the end of the world, even if it usually feels that way. And remember, mourning the loss of a friend does not mean you have to forget them. It just means you can cherish the time spent with them even more. Hey, you never know, you might reunite later on, bringing new perspectives to the table. Even if you do not reunite, you can look forward and use your wisdom for future friendships that serve you better. Either way, you will be better off in the end for this experience.