I recently went through my first “big-girl” breakup.
While the specifics aren’t crucial, I feel compelled to share my perspective about how I’ve come to terms with this tough decision in the digital age.
As someone who loves to look back through my camera roll, whether it’s to pass time on a flight or reminisce on a mundane Tuesday night, this aspect of our breakup has proven to be one of the most difficult parts: do I delete our relationship photos?
We are constantly taking photos of our loved ones. My phone is filled with images of people I care about next to myself, smiling and embracing. Naturally, he was a part of this collection in a very specific way for some time in my life.
After careful consideration, I have ultimately decided that no, I will not delete the relationship photos.
I don’t subscribe to the belief of erasing someone from the narrative of your life, a trend that seems prevalent nowadays, especially if the relationship wasn’t extremely traumatic. Just as I have never deleted pictures of friends who have drifted away over time, I want to extend this same sentiment to our previous relationship.
I won’t look at these old photos constantly, because that would obviously hurt. The images of us will remain exactly where I left them, frozen in a time where our more-than-friends relationship felt like the only thing in the world. The fact that I can look at them whenever I might feel the need to is reassuring.
He played a significant role in my life, so he deserves a special place in my memories.
But of course, this won’t be easy with all the different variations of someone’s digital presence.
What about social media posts? Social media is a highlight reel of recent developments in one’s life. So do I keep him there, giving people the impression we are still dating? It feels petty in a sense to just delete him when he is still part of my life.
I dread the inevitable months that will come around next year, and the next and the next with Snapchat’s bittersweet “__ year ago today” notifications. I already can see it: memories of us cuddling as boyfriend and girlfriend.
It’s funny how photographic memories can simultaneously warm and break your heart, leaving you torn between holding on and letting go.
Yet I desire to feel less hurt by them one day, reaching a point where I will be able to look at them with a gentle, soft smile.
Besides digital pictures, there’s also the issue of digital communication.
They sat atop your best friends list on Snapchat for so long, and you had a special emoji with them that you were embarrassingly proud of. You remember how excited you felt in the first place to have it, the way you told your best friends with a large smile. Now, you are just another friend in their list of people they need to snap back.
And what about getting unadded or blocked? Been there, done that.
Digitally, this person is an entity that you know is active and that you want to talk to all the time, but just can’t — you need to set respectful boundaries…
You do not need to do anything I’m doing if you are going through your own lovers-to-friends pipeline; choose the path that is best for you. If you are going through any kind of breakup, I am sincerely sorry.
This is me using creative expression to find closure on our past type of relationship through the lens of digital remnants.
All of this being said, maybe I will change my mind completely and decide I can’t bear to look at photos of him when he was my boyfriend because it hurts too much. That is the beautiful thing — I am barely even an adult, concerningly emotional a lot of the time and have the freedom to change my life in the blink of an eye.
Or because it is complicated, maybe we will get back together. And in that case, pretend you didn’t read all this!
After all, uncertainty is arguably the most certain thing in this life, especially in the ever-evolving digital age, where something so small as what we do with our pictures from a relationship holds meaning.