Two weeks ago, the dark was my only companion as I tossed and turned in my twin bed. My roommate was gone, and on the other side of my wall, my suitemates were gone as well. Even my girlfriend was out of town. There was no chance that anyone would walk in and join me. I was completely alone, and it struck me as odd. Sure, I had been alone in my dorm room before, but I had never spent an entire night all by myself in the city of Boston.
That day, I had returned from my spring break travels, and I headed straight to my dorm. I wanted nothing more than to relax in my shoe-box of a room that has become my home, but part of me was anxious. Without the presence of others, there would be no human distraction to ground me. It would just be me.
It’s a powerful thing to be alone. You can do anything you want, absolutely anything, and at first during my solo night in Boston, that scared me. I had become so accustomed to being around other people that I didn’t know what it would look like to be my only company.
Would I be bored? Would I be sad? Would intrusive thoughts consume me? At the very least, I expected it to feel uncomfortable, and it was at some points. There were moments where the silence and the emptiness were overwhelming, but as I sat in my bed and tried to figure out what to do with myself, there was something liberating about being alone.
I didn’t have to make space for others around me, so it was easy to honor all the little things I like to do. I took a long multi-step shower without wondering if someone else needed the bathroom. I played my sad playlist out loud and didn’t have to explain to anyone that I wasn’t actually sad; I just like the music. I danced around the room like no one was watching because, well, no one was. I was completely me the whole night. I did whatever I wanted, and it felt so good.
Before that night, I didn’t realize how important it was for me to have that alone time. I knew I enjoyed it in the small moments that sometimes stretched to an hour or two, but I never sought it out.
College is a weird environment. Most students are surrounded by people all the time, and there is so much value in those shared experiences. But in my case at least, I forgot how nice it is to be alone. When being with other people became my norm in college, I accepted it without question. My first night alone in Boston, however, reminded me that I need to take care of the relationship I have with myself. Putting myself first and being comfortable with the ins and outs of my own existence will always be incredibly worthwhile.