Ah, 2023. I never quite thought I’d make it past 13. Then I thought I’d kill myself before 16. Then I thought I’d die before high school graduation. Somehow, I keep staying alive and getting by. As a result, I’d like to begin a series where I share lessons I’d give to my 13-year-old self that I somehow end up learning. Hopefully, I’ll learn to not just exist but to live and learn to appreciate even the negative parts of life as I age.
You don’t need to forgive everyone who hurts you. Not everyone deserves it nor are they worth forgiving. You don’t need to have that one last closing conversation. Closure doesn’t need to be found through going to their house, going to lunch one last time, or ordering your regular coffee and sitting down to air your grievances. You don’t need to put the closure in the hands of other people. Forgiveness does not require reconnection.
When you’re closing a chapter in your life and moving forward, you heal within yourself. Searching for answers doesn’t mean you need someone else to give them. I know you probably stayed till it was over and then some, exerted every part of yourself and poured into other’s cups till you were dried. Here’s the thing though, you can acknowledge your faults as well as theirs and move on. You can recognize that the other party has said words to kill, done unforgivable things, and still move on. You don’t need to make sense of everything, you can just let go and move on. There doesn’t always need to be loose strings tied into a pretty box for you to move forward.
Closure doesn’t necessarily come with age or time, it comes when you chose to find it. Everything will hurt but it lessens as you heal. As you piece yourself back together, pain may seep through the cracks but over time but I promise, you will heal. Growth is going to require you to be vulnerable with yourself, it will require accountability, it will require time, but I swear as you grow you will heal. An apology, conversation, or forgiveness isn’t always necessary for healing. Don’t run back to the people that hurt you for nostalgia.
Remember, it will always be you and only you to be the one there for you. You are the most permanent person in your life, treat yourself with leniency and kindness as you piece yourself together again. It gets easier, it gets better. Maybe you’ll never quite be you again, but every part of you is an artwork of everything you’ve been through.
Until next time
xoxo – zo