I think we’re all familiar with phrase more than friends, but less than lovers. Yes. I am talking about the “talking stage.” While this is a relatively new term to our parents and grandparents, I think I’m speaking for all college students when I say we’re very familiar. While some might feel that situationship “breakups” are far less painful than real relationships, I disagree. Being someone who has dated multiple people long-term, as well as has been in many situationships, I’m here to tell you why they should NOT be romanticized, especially in a time like your college years.
Let’s start off by remembering that within any relationship, your feelings matter too. What you want, matters. Even if you feel as though telling someone how you really feel will end up ruining the relationship, you should do it. A conversation about your feelings will never ruin a true connection.
That being said — here are eight reasons why you should cut them off.
1. They aren’t even your type
Maybe the relationship started on a whim, you were feeling lonely, and they were the first person you saw. Maybe they’ve been hitting you up for a long time and you finally decided to give it a shot. Maybe you swiped right because you were bored and they happened to have a funny pickup line. It doesn’t matter. Chances are, they probably weren’t your first choice. You’re too good to accept half of what you deserve. Do they pursue you consistently? Do they do everything they can to make you feel reassured? Do they even seem like the kind of person you’d want a future with? No. No, they don’t. Because if they did, you wouldn’t be in a situationship with them. Is that really what you’re looking for? Set aside how you feel about them and make a list of all the things you look for in a partner. Do they even meet these requirements to begin with? If they don’t then why go through the stress of a situationship, you’re better off not settling until you find someone who meets your requirements.
2. You’re not sure of their true feelings about you
Let’s be real. You may not be in a serious relationship, but do you spend the majority of the day thinking about them? Be honest, do you smile at their texts? Does staying in and cuddling with them sound a lot more appealing than going out? Then a situationship isn’t what you’re picturing with them long-term. That being said, is that what they want? If you’re ranting to your roommates about whether or not he’s into you, I’m going to be the one to tell you he probably isn’t. If they wanted to they would. I promise you, the right person will make their intentions 100% clear to you from the start. You won’t have to go out of your way to read in between the lines and figure out what that one text from them really meant or whether or not to post that picture in hopes they’ll slide up. I know you’ve heard it a million times but I can assure you it is true. If they like you, you‘ll know. If they don’t, you’ll be confused.
3. They’re already causing you stress
College is hard. The relationships and friendships you have in college are supposed to be the fun part. They aren’t supposed to leave you drained and empty. I know you like them and really want it to work out, but at what cost? You’ve already started checking your phone to see why they haven’t responded in a while. You’ve already started comparing yourself to their exes. You’ve already spent hours trying to decipher if that forehead kiss meant anything, or why they canceled on you last minute. You shouldn’t have to chase what is meant for you. Sit back, relax, and let it come to you.
4. you feel like something is off
You know that gut feeling you get when you’re with them? The one that makes you feel like you shouldn’t be there, or just gives you extremally weird vibes. Yeah, you should definitely listen to that. Intuition never lies. Especially when it comes to relationships. I’m one to tell you, I too have trouble pinpointing red flags from the jump. But when it comes to a gut feeling, I always trust it. There have been many instances where I’ve got a gut feeling when talking to someone, mostly that it wasn’t going to end well. Spoiler alert, I should’ve listened to it. Trust me when I say, if there are any initial weird feelings between you and your situationship, chances are you should cut them off.
5. you’re the one making an effort
Quit giving excuses for them. You heard me. I know they have had a really long day of going to one Intro to Business class and then sleeping for five hours followed by dinner at the frat house, but they had time to text you back. Think about it this way, if you can make time for them despite your busy schedule and obligations, then they’d do the same if they liked you. It’s not rocket science. There’s no secret game that they’re playing to make you chase them. They have shown you how much they like you. It’s your choice to choose whether you accept it or not.
6. They “aren’t looking for anything serious”
We’ve heard this line a million times. We may not even be looking for anything serious either, but just hearing this leave their mouth is gut-wrenching. If you’re in a situationship with a person then they’ve either told you this from the start, or they’ve implied it with their actions. There is no in-between. I’ll be honest with you, this line is just a nice way of saying they want to use you for their own benefit. Are you okay with that? Are you okay with being simply their relief without any commitment on their part? I know you’re not. Because you know deep down this isn’t what you want. I promise that there is someone that wants that with you. But to meet that person, you have to realize what you truly deserve and quit settling for less.
7. they love bombed you
Love bombing is so real, especially when it comes to situationships. That’s what makes them so hard to get over. Initially, they probably showered you with affection, quick responses, and compliments. Promising you that they’re going to take you to that restaurant that served them the best sushi they’ve ever had or to that movie that gave them nightmares. They get you hooked, and once they can tell they’ve got you, they pull away. This can be frustrating because you feel like it’s your fault, but I can assure you it’s not. People who love bomb only care about one thing; feeding their ego. This can be due to past trauma or insecurity, but there isn’t anything you could’ve done to prevent this. You were genuine in how you were to them, so naturally, you believed they’d do the same for you. That just shows your heart. And someone someday will appreciate it, even if they didn’t.
8. You are young and have so much time
I know it feels like ending things with them will uproot your life (even if you’ve only been talking for a few weeks). And it is totally normal and valid to feel that way. The ending of a situationship is hard because you see all the potential they have to be in a relationship with you, even if it never pans out. It is okay to hurt over them even if you didn’t date. Your feelings are 100% valid and you can take all the time in the world you need to heal from this ending. But what you need to realize is an ending with them just brings you closer to meeting the people who’re meant for more permanent parts of your life. You are the youngest and healthiest version of yourself right now. Why waste another night being sad when you can celebrate the lesson that you learned and the standards that you’ve raised? Is the next person you see going to be your soulmate, well probably not. But again, you’re still another step closer to finding them. Every door that closes simply opens a window. Know what you’re looking for and don’t stop looking until you find that, and exactly that. And I can promise you that it’s out there.