Valentine’s day can be a tricky time for couples, especially after you’ve been dating a while. All the popular media has demonstrated to us that men should woo their ladies. I have a few problems with this. First, why are we waiting for some random holiday to be wooed, and also why aren’t we wooing men?? Like it’s not “girlfriends’ day” it’s a day that supposed to focus on love, so honestly I believe that should be going both ways (sorry not sorry). Despite my reservations about gender roles in valentine’s day, it can still be stressful! There are so many expectations surrounding it. Think – dinner at a fancy restaurant, wearing your best matching set, making sure your hair is clean and your legs are shaved. Truly, that list could go on forever and ever. Aside from expectations there are other things you have to worry about. What if my boyfriend gets me something I hate? Or what if he doesn’t make reservations at the restaurant that I’ve been hinting that I wanted to go to? Let me just go ahead and tell you, the solution to these problems is easier than you might think. It’s called communication.
Let me preface this by saying that the first Valentines Day I ever experienced with a significant other was with my current boyfriend. We had barely been dating a month and I was SCARED about what to get him, what he would get me, what we would do, etc. Not to mention, it was on a weeknight which made everything seem more complicated. So after a week of stressing over what we were going to do by myself, I tried to fix the problem. I asked him what he wanted to do for valentines day. Since it was a weeknight, we settled on just getting ice-cream. And then I asked him if he wanted to exchange gifts. We decided to get each other new keychains for our cars, and he got me some flowers and chocolates too! It was really nice to have a baseline for what to get him, and four valentines day’s later we still have our keychains.
So talking it over is really important, setting expectations for anything in a relationship is super important. I really can’t stress that enough, talking about stuff up from will help prevent so much conflict. Here’s the part some of you might not like. So you really want to go to this restaurant downtown, or you desperately want this new necklace. But how do I get it without asking for it? You don’t. You expect your boyfriend to be able to read your mind and give you what you want. So just ask for it! I promise, he’ll honestly be really happy that you’re giving him an idea of something to give you and now he doesn’t have to worry about getting you something you might not like. I would say that most of us make some sort of list for holidays like birthdays and Christmas, you can really do the same here!
Now, I can already hear people saying, “well I want him to get me flowers (or whatever it is) because he wants to, not because I ask him to”. So sorry, but I’m gonna have to call bullshit on this. Like I said earlier, he can’t be expected to read your mind. He DOES want to get you something (and if he doesn’t that’s a different story and dump his ass) you want, he just may not always know what it is. This isn’t 1955, we don’t have to play the coy female who subtly drops hints about what she wants and just expects her man to get it right. Plus, knowing what you want is HOT. Telling him you want to go to dinner here, or you want a certain gift is totally within reason if you’re romantically involved. And you know what that does? Resolves the issue of expectations. If you ask for something you want, you can expect to get it. And no, this doesn’t take the romance out of it. I find it incredibly romantic that a guy would pay attention to what I want and get something that I ask. If you truly want to be surprised about what he gets you but still don’t want to be disappointed, you can always go back to the list idea. If you make a list with 20 things you want, he can just choose what he wants to get you, and you still won’t know what it will be! YOU are the only one in charge of your happiness, so if you’re going to become upset that you don’t get what you want… well that’s kinda on you!
Now that we’ve taken the pressure off of gifts, what about dinner? Remember my boyfriends and I first valentines day where we went and got ice cream? Yea, thats what we do every year now. It’s something that you can do pretty much every year. Ben and Jerrys, Cold stone, a local place (Two Roosters is so good and thats totally where I want to go this year), or even picking up a pint from the grocery store. But thats our thing, and if you don’t like that you can try something else! Like maybe go to the same restaurant every year, or cook the same meal together. My roommate and her boyfriend do something similar, where they always have Italian food. Some years they go out, and some years they make it at home. Little traditions like this can help take the pressure off, because you already have a general idea of what you’re doing. Plus it’s so cute to have little traditions like this! I love hearing about stuff like this that other couples do.
Let me circle around to a final little tip on gender roles. Please don’t forget about your man on Valentines Day. He deserves to be loved and spoiled just as much as you do. Although our society has created a commercial holiday full of expectations around men treating women, I challenge you all to combat this stereotype. Use it as a day to celebrate your relationship together, and spoil your man just as much as he does you. Honestly, it will make you feel really good about yourself. And with that, I hope you all have a wonderful valentines day full of happiness, love, and expectations that are met.