Many young women nowadays are increasingly becoming averse to being mothers. Feeling like they have to choose between their career and becoming a homemaker is a huge contributor to this trend. Many of us in the late Millennial and early Gen Z generations grew up with mothers who stayed at home 24/7, and their lives were entirely centered around raising their children. While working mothers were under constant fire for being neglectful, homemakers were praised for being devoted and loving towards their children, caring for their every need. This ended up pitting these two groups of mothers against each other.
While it is entirely respectable that some mothers choose to be homemakers, a large portion of women are homemakers not necessarily by free will and choice. Rather, they become homemakers because of the pressures of their husbands, families and society. Of course, for the women that freely choose to be homemakers, such a choice is no less worthy or valid than mothers who choose to work. However, since women are traditionally seen as the primary caretakers of children, some may feel obligated to become stay-home-mums. With this pressure to fulfill the roles that society has set for us, homemakers have to pay a hefty price.
Not only are they the primary caretakers of children, homemakers are also the primary caretakers of their husbands and their households. This may also include their elderly in-laws or their own elderly parents. Such responsibilities result in days filled with heavy and endless tasks. Yet, unlike helpers who are paid for their services in helping out with household chores, homemakers are given little to no compensation. Aside from household allowance given by their husbands, very few homemakers are offered any type of monetary compensation for the time, effort and energy they put into running the household. Besides the notion that such work is obligatory for the women of the household, many also believe that running a household is not as taxing or tiring as working a corporate job, and thus not worthy of monetary compensation. Many view the job of a homemaker as one that doesn’t require education or higher levels of skills compared to a corporate job. Many take it for granted that their primary caregivers will always be there to keep their lives going: cooking, doing the laundry and more. Yet if all the homemakers in Singapore went on a strike, the economy will be severely impacted. Without anyone to fulfill those household chores, schooling children and working husbands will need to take time out to do said chores. Time would be taken away from work or school, and the eventual output will be reduced. Not to mention, some children and husbands are clueless about these chores.
Homemakers have always been an invisible part of society. Very few see them as valuable members that contribute to the nation, even fewer realize the sacrifices they have to make. Besides the aforementioned sacrifices of work output without compensation, some homemakers who were pressured into the role were once women with dreams, ambitions, careers. They gave it all up out of love and service for their own families. As they continue in this role, they eventually become stuck in it. Children, who have only seen their mothers wear the singular identity of being a homemaker, end up only perceiving their mothers as mothers and not persons. It means that their mothers should only stay home. Not cooking a meal is like a criminal offense. Missing food in the refrigerator earns criticism for not fulfilling their duties and responsibilities. Going on to chase their dreams in the later years is seen as a futile attempt. How many times have we constrained our stay-home-mums to be just that, and not see them as holistic beings with multiple facets?
In this same line, we also perpetuate stereotypes onto stay-home-mums. Homemakers are to dress modestly or behave in a certain way deemed appropriate by society. Otherwise, there would be criticisms about one being a bad mother who is not fit to raise her children. We have associated mothers with being moral torchbearers in society, serving the purposes of the nuclear family and societal morality and being nothing more. Deviating away from the stereotypical image of what a ‘good mother’ is, would mean they are tainted, or less valuable as moral torchbearers, hence the backlash. The truth is, however, that mothering is less about what society wants a mother to be, and more about the love and compassion the mother has for their child.
Being a mother is only one facet of a person’s identity, and we need to remember that mothers are not just ‘mothers’. While they have chosen to take care of their children, they are also individuals who have personal choices and goals beyond the household that they want to accomplish. Boxing mothers to just their roles as homemakers is another form of objectification, where women are mere tools to achieve societal goals and not respected as human beings. Society needs to think of a way to make homemakers visible, either through income or other perks and opportunities.