For the longest time, festive holidays meant joyous family traditions like house visiting and enjoying scrumptious meals with my loved ones. I always look forward to big family gatherings and the feeling of being surrounded with such positive energy; even if things aren’t going well for me, the anticipation of a new chapter truly recharged me.
But after I lost my dearest Grandfather last year, the Lunar New Year only amplified the empty space he had left behind. While I think of him everyday, the grief becomes harder to deal with during the festive season. Family gatherings are a little smaller, and a little quieter. I thought of the many holidays left ahead of me that I’d have to spend without my Grandfather, and I knew that the festive season would never be the same again.
Especially for typical Asian families that tend not to verbalise our negative emotions, it’s difficult to process this sense of oddness and emptiness as we bottle up our feelings. But as my family gatherings become less happening this year, I turned to my friends for comfort. I found it easier to open up to them as I could internalise how I felt, and it was nice talking to people my age who are equally lost at dealing with grief.
New holiday rituals were formed this season; I spent more time going to my friends’ houses and used the time to catch up with people I’ve not met in a while. I felt so contented with my friends’ presence that I even started to feel guilty for experiencing joy. For a while, I forgot about the absence of my Grandfather and that made me feel bad – especially when Lunar New Year is about spending time with loved ones.
But I try to remind myself that it’s still a season of love! It’s important to cherish time with those who are still around and have supported us along the way. I spent more time bonding with my Grandmother, and kept her company as much as possible. Being happy with what I have now means that there are still holidays to look forward to, and things to celebrate about in life.
Most importantly, be kind to yourself. I took a lot of time off to rest and recharge, especially when it’s the start of a hectic year. If I’m not doing any visiting, I spent most of my time being a couch potato and finally cleared some Korean dramas that were on my waitlist. It took off the yearly pressure of having to do something ‘special’ simply because it was the holidays, or I’d experience a serious case of FOMO.
This Lunar New Year is certainly a very different one, and I know it’ll remain like this for a while. But I constantly remind myself that the festive season is still a time for me to express my gratitude to people around me, and to myself. Don’t be shy to let the people around you know how much you treasure them, before it’s too late to do so.