Open communication is key to a successful anything, whether it be friendship, relationship, or roommate situation, if you’re not open with one another it isn’t going to work. I always tell people, “Please let me know if I do something that upsets you so I can know.” This doesn’t necessarily mean I’m going to change who I am for them, but it gives me the opportunity to better my relationship with the person.
People have triggers in life, things that we may never know or understand, and that’s okay. In return people may never completely understand what makes you tick, sad, happy, angry, lonely, or anything else on the spectrum of different emotions.
The problem, that seems to happen not only with our generations, but also the generations before, is that no one ever wants to tell people when they’re upset them. They think it’ll cause too much conflict, but most of the time it has the completely opposite results. By not bringing it up to the person it can lead to more conflict, more problems, and sometimes even tears.
I always text my friends when they do something that upsets me. Yes, it’s a bit cowardice, I can’t muster up the courage to tell them in person, but at least I’m trying. Most of the time my friends don’t even realize that what they’re doing or saying could be something that upsets me. Like I said earlier, everyone has their triggers, but if you don’t tell someone your trigger, they aren’t going to be able to avoid it or help you out. Therefore, at the end of a night, if something someone said or did earlier that day is still prominent in my head, causing anxiety to flutter about my chest, I tell them. There’s no harm in telling them.
The worst case scenario, I always think, is that they’ll tell me, I don’t agree. That’s fine. That’s no harm. Now they know. They know that talking about Great Danes reminds you of the time, when you were five, and the Great Dane stepped on you, fracturing you toes. Maybe they won’t bring up Great Danes anymore, even though they think your fear of the dog fifteen years later is a little ridiculous. They know that you struggled with drug addiction, and now they won’t bring it up. Listen, sometimes the topic is going to be tough to talk about, but if it’s someone you care about, and you know cares deeply about you back, you should be able to talk about those things together.
My relationships with my friends have gotten so much better since I started my open door policy, trading my dislikes and triggers amongst them. In return, my friends have also started to open their doors to me, and we trade back and forth about triggers, and problems, and love. It’s soothing and important.
In all honesty, ever since I started this policy I’ve had problems with people who don’t remain open with me. When friends choose to keep their annoyances with me to themselves, or tell everyone but me, I become frustrated. Not only do I feel embarrassed, not realizing most of the time that I’ve been doing something that negatively affects people, but frustrated that I couldn’t apologize without outting the person who told me, or couldn’t explain my side of the story. It’s beyond frustrating when you know a solution to the problem, but no one is will to talk.
Talking is key to everything. It’s how we keep ourselves sane, and keep each other close. Always remember to keep open communication air waves.