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A Letter To You


A letter to You

Losing a grandparent is rough, losing both of your grandfather’s within six weeks of each other is the worst pain in the world. There is no time for grieving the loss of one, no time to grasp what is happening.

As the years go on, the sadness and emptiness will always be there. The feeling of not being complete and feeling like something is missing from your life is a pain that I do not wish upon anyone. There will be no more after school phone calls telling you how well I did on a test or late night ice cream runs. There will be no more stories of how there is a gorilla in the basement so I would stop running around. Eight years too long, eight years of lost memories.

Since you left, there has been a huge part of my heart missing and it hurts. My heart physically hurts and I don’t know how to make it feel better. Looking at pictures, thinking of memories, visiting your grave, nothing helps. I know that you are still with me mentally, but I need you here with me physically and it kills me that you aren’t. You never realize how much you miss someone’s hugs, laugh or voice until they are gone, and well, I miss all of those qualities right about now. It hurts me so much that we will never make memories together anymore. No more pictures together, no more phone calls to tell you how my day was or to complain about Mommy and Daddy. I just miss you.

I have changed so much and I wish you were here to see just how much. I have matured since you have left those years ago. I knew that I had some growing up to do, and I’ve done a lot of that. Since then, I realized who my true friends were and got rid of the bad ones. It was hard to realize who the good ones were from the bad ones. I decided that it was better to have a couple of real friends instead of a bunch of fake friends that just use me. I would rather be happy than annoyed and sad with the world. I’m going into my second semester of my junior year of college and I am still surprised at this! I believe that you are helping me with this and helping me get through this difficult journey. I am very thankful for you.

I am the person that I am today because of you. You shaped me to be the strong, independent, hard-minded person that I am today. Even though I was very little, you taught me not to take nonsense from anyone, and here I am today, not taking anyone’s nonsense.

Love always,


  Rebecca Bodtmann  Manhattanville College '19
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