A Thanksgiving Roast

On the first of November, I only ask for two things: discounted Halloween candy and the Christmas section on display. Yes, I am one of those people who jump straight from Halloween to Christmas. And yes, I know Thanksgiving is in there because yes, I do celebrate Thanksgiving. It just does not deserve the hype people give it. Let us go from Halloween to Christmas without any complaints, okay? I’ll give Thanksgiving one mediocre meal, other than that, miss me. Here’s a list of reasons why we’re roasting more than just a turkey this Thanksgiving.

(Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash)

  1. The food. Even before I was vegetarian, turkey has to be the most boring of the meats. So boring it’ll put you to sleep! Just kidding, it’s a myth that people become sleepy after eating turkey because of its tryptophan levels. In reality, turkey has just as much tryptophan as any other meat, so eating turkey on Thanksgiving shouldn’t make anyone more tired than eating a burger on the Fourth of July. Like, don’t get me wrong, I love some sides, rolls, and pies as much as the next person, but none of the foods I like really scream Thanksgiving. I’m a grown woman, I can eat creamed corn on any day of the year.

  2. The tradition. Wake up, start cooking, watch some football, eat, sleep. What? It’s not even the series of events, it’s how long the prep takes just to gorge yourself in a huge meal. Am I the only one who would rather not style my outfit around my inevitable food baby? The French had it right when they made their dinner a series of six small courses, with time to digest and talk in between. Getting to enjoy time with relatives would be so much more enjoyable if we were not busy starving ourselves, gorging on a huge plate, and then puttering around as our bodies attempt to digest the mass quantities of food.

  3. The meaning. Growing up, Thanksgiving was about how the pilgrims and the Native Americans cooked a great meal together, sharing their harvests and living in harmony. Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. There was nothing harmonious for the Native Americans once colonizers arrived. While it is true the Native Americans helped the pilgrims with their harvest and the groups shared a “thanksgiving” meal, the following Thanksgiving meal was in celebration over the defeat of the Native Americans. The Native Americans saved the colonizers from freezing and starving to death; in return, the slaughter of the Native Americans began.