It’s the first day of college. You’re excited, but also nervous. You end up talking to a lot of new people (sometimes, against your will) and almost a week in you find yourself in a group of strangers that Must. Do. Everything. Together. Be it eating at the mess, going to class, or taking a walk in the campus garden. You do it together. It’s absolutely surreal on the surface, nothing can stop you and the best group of friends. Anything is possible. A month goes by, maybe two, and then comes rushing into your face: The End of The Honeymoon Phase.
Not to worry, most of us have been there. You’re still spending time together maybe a little less now, but you begin to realise that “The Best Friend Group Ever” is becoming a bit of a dead weight on you. You feel forced to hang out with them, or maybe they just don’t sync with you. At this point, you’ve learnt a good bit about them and you already have a list of things you should avoid talking about in front of them. Or, you find yourself changing to their taste and you don’t like it.
Here’s what I like to call it: The Yeh Dosti Paradox. Yeh Dosti Hum Nahin Todenge. Haha. We always like to talk about these friend groups like they help and support each other. Like these bonds will actually never break. The deal breaker is that, it’s just the illusion your brain creates because, well, college is a new place and you don’t want to be lonely. Yet, somehow, that is exactly how you feel with these people. Every friend group of this nature has a hierarchy. There’s always an alpha that decides whether or not someone is worthy enough to be in the “Kool Kidz Krew”. I’ve been a victim to this and I’m sure every non-alpha of the friend group can relate.
But it’s okay! Your Krew of Kool Kidz doesn’t need to be a Big Brady Bunch! The best friends you make in college are the ones that you may not be able to spend every waking second with, but they prioritise you enough to leave what they’re doing when you require their help. Except for exam season. Sorry, but the night before the exam is the only actual studying time we can get around here. Yes, I know it sounds cheesy, but it’s true. Your best friendships feel like a whirlwind romance. Not because you can conquer the world or suddenly everything seems magically possible. It’s because you can just be your completely weird, quirky, basic self and not get judged for it. It’s a bit anticlimactic, but it’s fulfilling.
Also, your best friends would never think you looked bad at any given moment. It’s so common to hear people say your friends will let you know if you’re looking “ugly” on a particular day, but I know my friends, and they Slay. All day. Yeah, I’ll tell you if your hair is unkempt, but I won’t call you outright ugly. Just because you’re friends doesn’t mean you can be rude to them. That’s not what friendships are about!
Finding your people can be so tough sometimes, but the only way you can do it is to keep an open mind. Welcoming people is a very good trait, but it goes hand in hand with letting people go. Some friends are just not the right fit, and it gets difficult for all parties involved. It doesn’t make you the bad guy for setting yourself, and them free of each other. Live, and let live. And when you do find your “Kool Kidz Krew”, this author will be waiting to hear you sing.
“Yehhhh Dostiii Hum Nahiiiin Todenge!!”