When I first read the anonymous victims story (going by Grace) of sexual misconduct with Aziz Ansari, I was surprised. I was surprised because I had always associated Aziz Anzari with being a “woke man” and a feminist. He was someone who openly supported violence against women and wore a TIME’s UP pin at this year’s Golden Globes.
But in a way, why should I be surprised? A powerful man in Hollywood taking advantage of and sexually abusing a young woman? That is nothing new, nowadays. Most of the men who have been accused have been older, white, and powerful. So, how could someone like Ansari be guilty? He is a millennial, POC, and a “good” guy. That’s what I believe the public is confused about and they are missing the point.
The point is not that someone exposed that a supposedly “nice” guy sexually harassed someone. It is that a person sexually harassed another person. It was clear in her statement that Ansari had forced himself upon her and made her feel uncomfortable. She had been giving verbal and non-verbal cues the whole night to let him know that she was distressed, and he didn’t listen to any of them.
I recently saw this tweet:
“Reading the article about Aziz Ansari initially made me roll my eyes, because I’m like, “Girl…we’ve all been there, why didn’t you just leave?” But then I had to check myself because I’ve been there, and didn’t always leave.” — Britni Danielle (@BritniDWrites)
Men are labeling this as a bad date, a normal sexual interaction. However, what women trying to say is that what the culture considers “normal” sexual encounters are not, and are oftentimes harmful. Women have been so conditioned to think of situations such as Grace’s as “bad dates” and not the sex crimes that they are. I’m sure there are so many women out there who have had bad nights that resemble what Grace describes. They feel so familiar to so many women, which is why this case needs to be a significant part of the #MeToo movement.
It goes even deeper when you consider how prevalent sexual assault is in our society. No, this was not on the same scale as Harvey Weinstein or Larry Nassar, but a woman clearly gave signs that she wasn’t interested, and the man did not care. Some women don’t even think they were assaulted, until people like Grace shares their stories.
Even the so called “nice guys” portrayed in the media are often at the root of the issue. It’s particularly troubling because Ansari is someone who has capitalized his career on respect for women. None of that matters though. Nobody gets off the hook just for “supporting women’s rights” and “being woke.” Men like him use that as a persona to cover up behaviors in their private life.
Cases like this one shouldn’t be taken lightly. In fact, the cases that seem mild should be taken more seriously because of their frequency, broadening the conversation for #MeToo. Grace mentioned that watching him win his Golden Globe that night was disturbing for her and this inspired her to share her story. Watching another powerful man/disguised sexual abuser being recognized on a global should be disturbing to everybody, and hopefully more women will tell their stories.