10) Matty B
Do I even need to explain? This is the first and worst concert I’ve ever been to, and it’s crazy to think that I actually paid money to see MATTY B live. Although honestly, it was in fourth grade, so it is a bit of a blur. I mean, it was probably as good as a concert full of screaming elementary school girls fawning over a 12-year-old rapper can be. I also went with my toxic ex-friend, with whom I still have elementary school beef to this day. But I did appreciate the genius creative liberties taken, such as changing the lyrics of Justin Bieber’s “Boyfriend” to “If I Was Old Enough to Be Your Boyfriend.” We love an underage, self-aware king.
9) Fifth Harmony
This concert wasn’t necessarily bad. I just, for the life of me, do not remember a single thing about it. Like, seriously, I blacked out. I remember being really excited at the time and thinking that I was so cool for seeing Fifth Harmony live, but there is not one single detail from this experience that I can recall. Like, the concert amnesia is so real. I have nothing against Fifth Harmony (except for them breaking up and crushing my fifth-grade heart), but the concert couldn’t have been that great if it left such a forgettable impression.
8) Megan Trainor
This was in sixth grade, so it is also kind of foggy. Again, I don’t really remember the specifics, but I do remember that it was really fun. And I got to see Hailee Steinfeld as the opening act, which feels very surreal thinking about it now because I also barely remember that. Obviously Megan has tons of songs that are great for live performance, so she put on a great show. At one point, she even had a bunch of her friends come out on stage dressed in animal onesies, so that was super cute. Unfortunately, this concert instigated my mother’s Megan Trainor era, resulting in the fact that I must endure listening to her albums TO THIS DAY whenever we’re in the car together.
7) Mavis Staples
This concert has a quirky little backstory in that I actually went to it by accident. This waterfront park near where I live does a free live music concert series every summer, and they also do a summer musical. My sister, our friend, and I staked out a blanket at the park at 2:00 p.m. (we’re clearly dedicated theater fans) for what we thought was going to be Seussical the Musical, but by the time the show started, we were shocked to discover we’d mixed up the dates and attended a Mavis Staples concert by mistake (which immediately clarified the confusing lack of anyone under the age of 50 in the crowd). But honestly, it was a vibe. And it’s fun sometimes to have those spontaneous moments where you open yourself up to a different genre of music. It’s definitely a funny, chaotic story that my sister and I love looking back on. And the middle-aged ladies there were truly getting down, so I enjoyed seeing them all having the time of their lives. I remember this was also on the day Aretha Franklin died (we miss you, queen), and Mavis Staples was actually friends with her, and they’d even collaborated together!
6) Pink Floyd tribute band
This one is pretty random, but a few years back, I went to see an Australian Pink Floyd tribute band, and honestly, they were really good. Pink Floyd is one of my favorite bands ever, and they actually sounded a lot like the real band. They even had some of the band’s original instruments and props. I will say, there was a very strong smell of weed and a visible cloud of it in the air by the end of the show. But honestly, that just enhanced the immersive rock and roll experience. It’s probably the closest thing I’ll ever get to experiencing a 1970s rock concert, and I’m not mad about it.
5) Indigo DeSouza
I went to this concert at MHC having not really listened to Indigo at all prior to, but she definitely gained a listener afterward! Her sound was so amazing (I do love a nice indie rock beat!) And the fiddle was fiddling. The energy of the crowd was really great too. This was the first time I had ever gone to a concert alone, so I was proud of myself for that and felt really cool and mysterious (I definitely looked lost and confused).
4) Elton John
Okay, hear me out; you’re probably thinking, how could you put SIR Elton John so low on the list? Well, it’s not that the concert was bad. It’s just that I was as deep in the nosebleeds as I could possibly be. Like, literally three rows away from being the very last row in the stadium. He was such a tiny speck that it was basically just a glorified listening party of his album at home. But even still, the reality of Elton John performing live before me was not lost on me, and even despite the less-than-ideal seats, it was an unforgettable, goosebump-inducing experience. He was absolutely shredding it on that piano, and when it started raining during “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me?” Chills, just chills. Hearing everyone in that stadium singing the la la la’s on “Crocodile Rock” is something I’ll remember for a long time. But for the aforementioned reasons, I sadly had to put him lower than the performers in the top 3 on this list. Make no mistake, he is still my favorite artist of all time! But, as a seventy-eight-year-old man, the performance aspect was a bit lacking compared with some of the other, more mobile, artists I will mention.
3) Harry Styles
This concert was SO much fun. I went during the Fine Line tour, but I also got to hear some gems from the self-titled album (which—*unpopular opinion*—I still maintain is his best). Mr. Styles definitely knows how to work a crowd with his iconic dance moves and call-and-responses, and I can die happy knowing I got to hear him say, “This is a family show . . . or is it?” live. I’m pretty sure I transcended to another plane of being during the “Sign of the Times” finale, and my One Direction heart was so happy when he sang “What Makes You Beautiful.” Minor points were deducted for the ear-splitting screams of the people in that stadium who genuinely made me fear I was going to go deaf, but otherwise, it was a 10/10 experience that was over way too soon (I’m still bitter he didn’t play “Sweet Creature”).
2) Muna
This concert was SO close to being number one, missing it by just a hair. It was the first standing venue I’d ever been to, and aside from the alcohol from other people’s drinks that repeatedly splashed onto me—as well as the constant shifting around of the view that I had *side-eye*—I really enjoyed how immersed the close proximity made you feel in the performance. The anonymity that the crowd provided definitely made me feel less self-conscious about absolutely getting down in the pit. There were no assigned seats, so we were able to get pretty close to the stage, and I could actually see the band really well, which was kind of nuts. They really do sound just like the studio recording, and it was so fun seeing all of their performance antics live (ie, no shortage of making out, throwing inflatable horses into the audience, and grinding on each other). It was an incredible night that I will remember forever, since Muna is one of my absolute favorite bands ever! Sadly, it cannot be first on the list because my sister blasphemously made us leave before “Silk Chiffon” in order to beat the traffic, so that ended the experience on a sour note. But at least it gives me an excuse to see them again (as if I need one)! Summary: Muna is the holy trinity, and this concert was a religious, transformative, joyfully gay experience that I 1000/10 recommend.
1) Taylor Swift
I mean, what else would possibly take the #1 spot but The Eras Tour? This was not just a concert; it was a whole experience. From the choreography, costume changes, background dancers and singers, and the complex narratives that went along with the songs, you really are taken on a guided journey through her career (a 3-and-a-half-hour one, to be exact). I had so much fun dressing up, trading friendship bracelets with strangers, and just partaking in the overall Swiftie joy! My tickets actually were not bank-account-cripplingly expensive, but even if they were, Miss Swift for sure gives you your money’s worth. This concert was also very special since I went on her thirteenth show of the tour, which also happened to be her thirteenth time playing Gilette! Plus, Rick Riordan was there, so if the author of Percy Jackson was there, you know it was an incredible concert. The surprise songs, “Red” and “I Think He Knows,” were everything I could have hoped for—my Lover girlie heart was so happy! Plus, I got to see Gracie Abrams and Phoebe Bridgers as well, which made the experience all the more incredible (and no, I still have not recovered from witnessing Phoebe and Taylor perform “Nothing New” live). Forget the best concert experience; this was probably the best experience of my life, and I will continue to make it my whole personality for many years to come.
Concerts still to come: I’m seeing Mitski in February, and I absolutely cannot wait!!