The way we think, act, dress, speak, and interpret the world is influenced largely by modern culture. Modern American culture unfortunately has been socially constructed. The behaviors, styles, and way of being has been imposed on the masses. These thoughts are not necessarily correct or valid but rather believed by a multitude of individuals, which create pressures to be a certain way. Bisexuality is a term, topic, and identity that has followed this route in American culture. Namely, the negative stereotypes associated with the identity and its place in the LGBTQ community as a whole. I learned more on social implications of the word and self-identifying going to a talk about Bisexuality hosted by Robin Ochs, a speaker, teacher, activist, and writer on bisexuality and bisexual issues.
To begin with, our culture has developed different terms and phrases that undermine the literal meaning of our body parts. It has become taboo, even in our homes, to refer to our genitalia as penis or vagina; instead we use words like “we-we” and “private part”. This discomfort with the actual language to the reference of our body parts creates an ambivalence that makes it difficult to see and understand our sexual selves. Once we get pass the cutsie-colloquialism though, we are faced with the issue of connecting sex with gender. The word “sex” is so avoided and yet so salient in our culture, that the ambivalence transcends the reference to our bodyparts and enters into our language. Scientific text books even use “sex” and “gender” interchangeably although they are two different things; furthering the confusion. Socially, when we think of males, we think of men, and then we think of masculinity. We associate masculine features with the male genitalia as if to define physical normalities with a way someone’s personality should connect to them. Defining individuals in this way forces us to make assumptions and inferences about people. It also creates a negative connotation to the acceptance of bisexuality as an actual identity.
Making assumptions based on appearances is one of the things that hides bisexuality as opposed to other queer identities. If a woman, obviously feminine, is walking down the street, the default assumption is that she is a straight female. If she is “masculine,” the default assumption is that she is a lesbian. If she is a feminine woman with another feminine woman people may assume she is still a straight woman with a friend. If the two women “appear” to be dating and display affection such as kissing and holding hands, one may assume they are lesbians. If a feminine woman is seen with a male, the automatic assumption is that the two are in a heterosexual relationship. As Ms. Ochs explained to us at the Bisexuality 101 dialogue, it is very hard to recognize bisexuals on the street. The only way, then, to see bisexual behavior happens to be in the life of a promiscuous bisexual individual. This image is then widely spread and generalized and made to apply to all bisexuals; believed by both members of the LGBTQ community and the straight community as well.
To discredit common misconceptions, bisexuals are NOT ALL promiscuous. Monogamy, loyalty, celibacy, and singularity are all practices done by women and men of the bisexual identity. Confused, diseased, fence sitters, traitors, dirty, slutty, and swinging both ways are not terms that generate the bulk of the bisexual community. Aside from the fact that witnessing bisexuality is difficult without someone openly saying so, most, if not all of the time, society in America is structured into a binary. We have a binary ranging from political positions and identities to race. It is either Democrats or Republicans, liberals or conservatives, blue state or red state, black or white, man or women, male or female, good or bad, nice or mean, and the list goes on. It is difficult for us as a people to realize that there is an active gray area in ALL of these subjects. And even if we understand that there is a gray area, many of us forget to acknowledge its existence.
This is the case with bisexuality. We are not straight, we are not gay, we are bi. We are not on either side of the spectrum as one of the extremes, but rather, right smack in the middle. This concept is hard to grasp by most people. As a result of our society being binary, anything that is not binary is misunderstood, criticized and often rejected.
For a long time bisexuals did not have a space in the LGBTQ community. We were not straight so we could not be accepted by heterosexuals, but we were not “gay” either so we were not accepted by homosexuals. Although we could not find a safe space to be in, bisexual lives were subjected to the same struggles as everyone else in the LGBTQ community. Based on who a bisexual person is dating they gain and loose civil status and position in society. Bisexuals gain and loose rights, respect, family, friends, and acceptance throughout their entire lives simply based on the person they choose to date or enter into a relationship with. Though this is true however, no relationship with one gender is sought out more than another. An identity is a sense of self. As a bisexual, the gaining and loosing of these different statuses in society does not influence their behavior or openness to accepting and dating the same sex. My identity also does not change based on who I am dating at the time.
A lot of people have a misconception that once you date a guy when you are a bisexual woman, you turn straight. Either it was just a phase or you cannot make up your mind. As quoted so beautifully by Robyn Ochs, “Bisexuality is not about behavior.” Your current relationship will not dictate the person you are or who you were. Societal pressures both stemming from the straight and LGBTQ community makes it hard on bisexuals as if they become a completely different person when dating the same or the opposite sex.
No sex solidifies their situation.
No choice changes their character.