I’m an overthinker and a people pleaser. I tend to prevent myself from living my best life because I’m concerned about what someone might say or think. If someone goes against my own preferences, beliefs, or interests; I become doubtful of myself and allow that person to sway me into their preferences, beliefs, and interests. Here’s what I learned on how to stop this behavior.
Throughout our entire life, we tend to ask for other people’s opinions on our own life decisions. Our friends tend to be our first go-to when it comes to asking for opinions. We tend to ask for opinions on our outfit, our relationships, or our Instagram pictures. Insecurities take a role in this behavior as well as overthinking. Why do we do this? Why do we care so much? Because for some reason, approval from others makes us feel better about our decision. We look for people’s opinions in hopes that they can back us up. This behavior leads us to unintentionally letting other people live our lives which results in our unhappiness.
Nurology on YouTube has a great video on this topic and she provides an equation on the dangers of always asking for people’s opinions. When you ask for people’s opinions you get their fears/insecurities + their values + their experiences= their opinion. Boom.
Isn’t it so true? We never stop to think about how WE feel or what WE want. We always have to second guess our decisions and seek validation because we’re not trusting ourselves.
In high school, we panic when someone asks us about college. I always hated when people asked me, “So, what colleges did you apply to?” or, “What are you majoring in?”, “Are you moving far away?”. A lot of people will tell you where they think you should go, what they think you should study and why. I remember feeling so overwhelmed, as most high school kids do during the college application period, yet I was always finding ways to revolve my answer around what I think they wanted to hear. That’s stupid, I know. But at the time, I was afraid of the other person judging me so I always tried to overplay my response. Why should I care, though? This isn’t their life or their future, and tuition surely isn’t coming out of their wallets.
Now for me, a junior in college, the questions have changed to, “What do you want to do with your degree?” or “Where are you looking to find a job?”. Unfortunately, the interrogation will always be in our lives but it’s up to us to decide whether or not we want to let it bother us. After college, the questions will change and focus on marriage, a house, kids, etc. People are always going to be so invested in what we’re doing, but let’s not do the same. By doing the same we start comparing our lives to others, then we start to overthink if we’re making the right decisions which then leads to seeking validation from others. It’s a vicious cycle.
Keep in mind that equation: their fears/insecurities + their values + their experiences= their opinion. This is something I’m going to remember the next time I feel myself needing to seek someone else’s opinion. Disclaimer: This isn’t encouraging that we should never again ask for opinions or stop caring entirely. Instead, this is understanding how to choose what will benefit us and what’s important. You’ll understand this too if you watch Nurology’s video. She touches on a lot of great points!