I Graduate Next Semester & I Can’t Stop Internally Screaming

This entire summer has had me reflecting on this upcoming school year. It's my last year; I'm officially a senior and I am absolutely terrified that I'm not going to have an adult life once I graduate. Everyone's path after graduation is different. Some may find their entire career the day after graduation and be set for life… others struggle for months on end finding a real job. I keep this thought in my mind constantly, and although I seem like I have my life put together, I can’t help but internally scream whenever I’m reminded of this.

Graduation is only eight months away and I know what I want to do. I feel positive and try my best to speak it into existence. But sometimes, I have doubts that the timeline I have in my head isn’t going to work out. Eight months from now, I see myself still working with American Eagle, just not as a sales associate folding jeans. But listen; don’t get me wrong. Although retail and customer service has a bad reputation, working at AE isn’t like working at any other store. I’ve learned that through my past experiences and co-workers who have been in retail for years. But that’s my biggest fear; being in retail for years.

I have managers and co-workers who can see themselves growing old in the store. Although I’m passionate about styling and helping out guests, I’m way more passionate and patient when it comes to my skills in social media. I’m super grateful to have started in stores and really learn what AE is all about; working in retail drove me to where I am today as an influencer and content creator. If it wasn’t for folding jeans and getting recognized for my talent in content creation, I wouldn’t have grown as much as I have. Although I can say I have a bunch of successful and cool things on my resume (still gotta update her btw ‘cause the list just keeps growing), I still feel like I haven’t done enough.

I like reflecting on my accomplishments, but when I notice I can still do so much more until those long, eight months come by… that scares me. I like reaching out to all the wonderful ladies that have helped me get to where I am. Somedays I feel a bit more anxious than others and share how excited I am to just graduate and start working from home for the rest of my life. Then I get pulled back down to Earth and get reminded that I still have lots of work to do in the role I’m currently in. So many people, including my awesome girl boss managers, always remind me how well I’m doing. But sometimes I just feel like I’m stuck in a cycle of growing and not moving up while being in college.

Sometimes people reach out to me for advice or tips, and as cool as it might seem, I’m just as much freaked out as the next person. I’m sure every senior that is on the cusp of graduating feels this way; anxious and eager to just take on the world and leave behind that college/part-time-job life. Until then, I’ll keep folding jeans (only ‘til May 2021 though).